New Love

Original post date: November 2007. Two summers ago, I took a writing course for teachers. At that point, my nephew was two years old; since then, I have another nephew and now a brand new niece. I went to see them last month in Mississippi, and now I'm home, and I can hardly look at pictures of them without wanting to cry. I wish I lived closer. That reminded me of a poem I wrote for the course, about the idea that you can love someone so much; not that you love them more than the rest of your family. It's that they are brand new, so the love is brand new and hard to miss. I'd almost call it shocking. I was surprised by that. I knew it would be fun to have nieces and nephews, but I had no idea I'd feel this attached. Parents always say kids change your life, and I thought well duh, but I didn't know they meant this type of life-changing love.

Single at 30

No commitments to keep me home
I drive the length of New Jersey
once a month,
alone
to meet with my crush
to flirt, to woo, to kiss and hug and hold.

After he was born
I knew I had to break up with my boyfriend
who couldn’t match
this unforeseen love
in a tiny form
I could pick up and carry around.

My sister got mad
when she overheard me call him
my favorite person
but it’s true-
he’s perfect,
in the way only babies are.

At 530 am
I hear his faint babbling through my closed door
and spring out of bed
to begin my ministrations.

At the onset of language
I document every word:
18 months:
Mama Dada Ball
No ( “no noooo, no noooo”) Up Hat
Bus Dirt Hoop
Juice Cheese House
22 months:
mall dog eat
Elmo Bert Ernie
clock knee mow
ABCD
spatula pancake
QRS
Kristine (DIS-deen)
pasta pizza
baseball but-ball (football)
mmmuhnuhmuhnuhmuhnuh (translation: M&M)
23 months:
TUV
W
XYZ
mad sad
pop tart
crack eggs
first sentence: “Call Dada. More milk.”
last updated June 27, 2005

As the spinster aunt,
I watch my sister mother well
grateful
for this time
to be irrationally in love
to be not a mom yet

Disclaimer: the boyfriend I am talking about is not my husband. He obviously did match the unforeseen love.
Note: The pic is only of the above-mentioned nephew, taken last month in photobooth; nothing personal to my other nephew and niece, it's just that this pic was the only one where you couldn't totally see them. I try to keep my blog life a bit anonymous, even though to you all it's obvious it's me. I wouldn't mind if a stranger read all this, but I don't want them knowing what I look like. I might change my mind as the blog gets older and I get more famous, but we'll see.