Thursday, April 23, 2009

Wanna Be Popular? Have a Baby

I mentioned in "Pregnant, or On Terrorist Watch List?" that people stalk you as your due date approaches. You get lots of attention. Then, after you have the baby, people congratulate you, call you, post messages on your facebook page, send you gifts... well, all of that attention is starting to dry up, and yesterday I was feeling a little... well, neglected, and not as popular.
But then today I went SHOPPING with the baby, and people were ALL OVER me.

This is not necessarily a good thing. My baby is only 5 weeks old, so I don't want people all up in his grill with their germy breath. It is my job to keep this kid cold and flu-free, and I'm pretty aggressive about it.
On the first part of my errand, I kept him in the stroller with the suncover pulled over his carseat so no one would get too close to him.
Nope. People just get closer, so they can bend over and peek under the sunscreen.

Girl at counter: "Oh, a baby!" Comes around and peers under sunscreen.
Me: "Are you perfectly healthy?"
"Oh- uh- yes!"
Me: "OK, well, just don't get any closer than that, just in case. He's only 5 weeks."
Of course I seem like a psycho bitch, but I don't care. Maybe that person is getting sick and they just don't know it yet. In any case, they haven't washed their hands, so I can't risk them- God forbid- TOUCHING my baby.
Since the sunscreen failed, for the next part of my errand, I thought I'd keep him nestled between my boobs in the sling. Surely THAT would keep people away from him, right? No one's going to get up in my grill, and in my boobs, right?

I was in the sports store for, max, 3 minutes. In that time, despite my clearly giving off "don't talk to me I'm busy" vibes, 3 people got too close to me to tell my how cute my baby was, ask how old he is, and of course, tell me how fast they grow up.
I know I seem like an ungrateful brat. But I keep reading that you're supposed to really protect them from germs for the first couple months, so that's what I'm doing. I don't want people to breathe on my baby unless I've cleared them.
In general, I want my baby all to myself.
Maybe I should stop running errands.

The point of this post though, is to tell you I felt very popular today, but I didn't want to feel popular. I hadn't showered, I wanted to get my errands done quickly and in a germ-free way... and people kept wanting to chat. I was not in friendly chat mode, I was in "nervous new mom not really sure if baby likes sling, and thinks he'll be hungry and poopy soon, and I am hoping to also make it to Target after this."

Really, I am just a brat, aren't I.


Daniel said...

Wow, and I thought that shit just happened when you took them to Babies R Us and Buy Buy Baby. The frigging sporting good store?!? jeez.

Anonymous said...

Welcome to motherhood, sistah!- Tiptoeing in a world unexplored, full of clueless, germy people. Wait until one actually touches him! You'll want to jump out of your skin, or maybe jump on them? Holy shit! I totally want to be there to see that! Ha.

Hey, psycho bitch is totally called for and justified as I see it. Hell, ooh and aaah from a distance, people! Seriously.

But you know I am going to have to pinch those delicious little cheeks when I meet him - it's an Italian tradition.

Anonymous said...

I COMPLETELY know that feeling! But, you're right, it's your job to protect Baby Q. So say and do whatever your Mommy instincts tell you to!