Peekaru: Marie Claire Does Not Know Babywearing!

Marie Claire rated the Peekaru babywearing vest as one of their "41 Gifts We Don't Want" but I'd guess that writer hasn't ever worn a baby. I concede that I, despite being a babywearing fanatic, also thought the Peekaru was probably not that useful... until my sister got it for me last month and I was in its cozy heaven of cuteness!!!

If you've babyworn, you know how much easier it is to navigate a crowded place without a stroller. Packed tourist destinations, escalators, stairs, no problem. It's also safer to have them higher up. Last month I had the kid in the stroller in the city- and someone ASHED ON HIS HEAD!!! I promptly put him right into our ERGObaby carrier (which I never leave home without) and wore him for the rest of the night, navigating Times Square and Toys R Us without fear of some idiot dropping a cigarette on him or knocking him in the face with shopping bags.

My city-dwelling sister ordered me the Peekaru the next day, and I wore it the next time I went to see her in the city. We got stared at admiringly all day. I'm serious. No one could resist our adorableness.

Even without a Peekaru, babywearing in winter is awesome. With the kid against you, you don't have to worry about if he/she is warm or not. You just know, because they're the same temp you are, so you adjust your layers around the kid accordingly. This is me babywearing last year, before the Peekaru. I look like a hobo with a large sweatshirt closed over the kid, my winter maternity coat over that, and a scarf around my neck. (No offense, hobos.)

Now, instead of mismatched clothes, I'm the epitome of chic.

Just before this photo was taken, a man said, "That's a beautiful baby!" Do you think he would have even noticed my kid if he was in a stroller? No! See how the Peekaru brings out the beauty in life?

Here's another pre-Peekaru photo, from the day he got ashed on. That was pre-Peekaru. (I cropped out my husband since he's a little antisocial.) You can see how the bulky winter coat gets all up in the kid's face.

The one downside of the Peekaru is that if the kid wants to get down, you have to unzip the Peekaru, but that's no biggie.





When it's really, really cold, you have to protect your baby. The Peekaru is one good option. The other option is to put them in a stroller bundle thingy, a winter jacket, then cover them in plastic (see photo to left), but then you really don't know if they are too hot or still cold. On this day, probably almost a year ago, my hips were bothering me, so I shrink wrapped him in the stroller. You can see how silly the kid looks, and that's why I wear him if I can. Instead of closing them up like a package, why not snuggle them close? They're only wearable for so long, so I get my cuddles whenever I can.

Don't even get me started on how handy it is to babywear in an airport, and while hauling all of your crap onto an airplane. Click here to read full entry.

What I'm Reading

Peter Pan- I'm only on the third or fourth chapter, but that book is deliciously messed up. It is absolutely not a children's book. It is a young adult book. It's one of the books my students are reading for their classics units and I am having a blast talking about it with them. The highlight of my week was when one of my0 students read aloud to me the scene where Tink encourages the Lost Boys to shoot Wendy. I'll include that excerpt at the end of this post. I also love the part where Peter thinks a kiss is a thimble. "Peter thimbled her..." I fell over laughing, literally, when another of my students read it to me!

I'm also reading an awesome teaching book. Only read this if you are a reading/writing teacher (of any grade). It is a fabulous framework for the teaching of reading and writing in a nurturing way. It's called The Complete 4 for Literacy because author Pam Allyn advocates a balance of focus on genre, conventions, process, and strategy. I have the privilege of being on a team that's writing units for my district, as we are switching from the model where the whole class reads one book together to a model where the kids are reading books (or any text) at their just right level. We are using this book, which gives great advice for how to write units of study with very focused objectives but lots of time for kids to read and write at their independent level. I love that it builds in time for conferencing with students as well as small group instruction. It's just a good, healthy model.

I am also reading Mary Poppins, which, like Peter Pan, is also not really a young kid's book! Mary Poppins is actually super mean- the opposite of the sweet character Julie Andrews plays in the movie. "I hate her!" one of my students said yesterday as we looked at a part where she threatens the kids, or tells them to be quiet, or mocks them.... which she does constantly! I absolutely love how mean she is, but my students don't see how it's funny. Oh well. She's like, viciously mean and shows the kids no kindness. It's insane.

A couple of New York Times articles that I've read over the last couple of weeks have stuck with me.

One I won't link to because it's about the Cheshire CT triple murder case of a woman and her two daughters, and it is very, very disturbing. Don't read about it. It's awful. The dad survived the attack and recently one of the killers was sentenced to die. The article I found interesting was about how the jury, after they delivered the verdict, asked the judge if they could speak privately to the father. They all cried and hugged him. Many other lines in the article stuck with me. One jury member told the reporter that although he did not believe in the death penalty, he felt that if any case necessitated one, this was it, and so he applied the law. Another one said she wished she could take away the pain and fear that the daughters had to go through in their last hours. They were very human comments, not clinical legal ones. These jurors felt how I would feel, and we don't always get that inside window on a trial.
The article really showed how the people seemed to connect and care for each other both during and after the trial. After the verdict, the judge thanked the jury for their service and said they'd seen things that no person should ever have to see. He didn't have to say that, and that to me shows a degree of care. The reporter ended the article with the comment that clearly amazed him the most. When the jurors met with the dad and family, the grandma told the jury she was sorry they'd had to put them through that. This reporter was clearly struck by the people in this case, and his article got that across to me.

On a lighter note, I enjoyed the article about the Chilean miner who ran the New York City marathon after being stuck underground for 10 weeks. I'll link to that.

Here's the part from Chapter 5 of Peter Pan where Tink encourages the boys to shoot Wendy. The dialogue is ridiculous. I have always loved the absurd.

Now Nibs rose from the ground, and the others thought that his staring eyes still saw the wolves. But it was not wolves he saw.

"I have seen a wonderfuller thing," he cried, as they gathered round him eagerly. "A great white bird. It is flying this way."

"What kind of a bird, do you think?"

"I don't know," Nibs said, awestruck, "but it looks so weary, and as it flies it moans, `Poor Wendy,'"

"Poor Wendy?"

"I remember," said Slightly instantly, "there are birds called Wendies."

"See, it comes!" cried Curly, pointing to Wendy in the heavens.

Wendy was now almost overhead, and they could hear her plaintive cry. But more distinct came the shrill voice of Tinker Bell. The jealous fairy had now cast off all disguise of friendship, and was darting at her victim from every direction, pinching savagely each time she touched.

"Hullo, Tink," cried the wondering boys.

Tink's reply rang out: "Peter wants you to shoot the Wendy."

It was not in their nature to question when Peter ordered. "Let us do what Peter wishes!" cried the simple boys. "Quick, bows and arrows!"

All but Tootles popped down their trees. He had a bow and arrow with him, and Tink noted it, and rubbed her little hands.

"Quick, Tootles, quick," she screamed. "Peter will be so pleased."

Tootles excitedly fitted the arrow to his bow. "Out of the way, Tink," he shouted, and then he fired, and Wendy fluttered to the ground with an arrow in her breast.

And the chapter ends right there. Hilarious! Insane! How on earth is this a children's book???

Here's a link to Chapter 6, and you can read the whole book online if you want. Click here to read full entry.

Reminder to Husband

This is what I want for my birthday!!!

I suppose I should check more carefully what it's made of... since I prefer the rubbery grips as opposed to smooth... but c'mon, this is adorable! Click here to read full entry.

Latest Obsession:Babyhawk Mei Tai

Me n the kids at an indoor winter farmer's market

I finally, after several weeks of poring over the Babyhawk site and its hundreds of choices of strap/body panel color and pattern combos, chose my combo. I thought I was going to get espresso straps, because i love my brown ERGO. However, a Twitter friend showed me her grey-strapped Babyhawk and swayed me. I showed the hubs a couple of options for the body panel fabric, and he liked a grey/white/yellow combo, so I took the plunge and ordered.

This mei tai is going to help me have a more comfortable back carry option, because the baby is too heavy now for more than 30 minutes of front carry. I tried on the mei tai at Mini Metros natural parenting store in NYC and they showed me how to get him nice and high up so he can see over my shoulder.

Update 7/1/14: 

The Babyhawk mei tai didn't work out for back carrying the boy. He was too heavy- the straps totally dug into me.  I put the mei tai away... and got it out to try after the second baby was born... I LOVED it from the very first week. I wore her froggy style until 6 weeks or so, when she was big enough to let her legs dangle.  

I could be totally hands free- wearing the baby and still able to fully attend to the 3 year old on the playground.  Nice high back, easy to put on... I liked it so much better than the Moby wrap I had when Q was little!  

For backwearing toddlers, I've learned I prefer the Boba carrier to the ERGO.   Click here to read full entry.

Chime In: Baby Registries, the Right Stuff

Friends of ours are due with a baby in five weeks. Last night I was pondering what to get them off their registry.

This morning I was sitting in my baby's room with him after he woke up, remembering the time in which I was planning for him. That room smelled different, felt different, meant something different.

I remember the feeling of trying to make sure I had all the right stuff. Turns out you don't need that much stuff- actually, I have loved my stuff, it's just hard to know what the best stuff is going to be for your baby or your lifestyle. I'll clarify: I love stuff. Lately, I love our Phil and Ted's metoo chair because we go out to eat a lot. I'm also on the hunt for a mei tai, because although the ERGO baby carrier has been one of our very best purchases, I don't like the ERGO for back carry, and he's getting too heavy to wear on my front.

Anyway. That was such a fun time in life, getting ready for the baby. It's weird that I'll never feel that feeling again. Even if I have another baby, that preparation time will never quite feel the same. That's not necessarily a bad thing. If second babies felt that momentous, adding a second one might feel overwhelming! Fortunately after the first one gets to be oh, 7 months or so, ya feel like a pro.

It is so fun to look at other people's registries. It's a window onto their life, or planned life. You can see if it looks they are planning to breastfeed. You can see if they chose a superfancy stroller or a practical one. You can see what some of their ideas and plans are by what books they ask for. You can see that they know about swaddling, and you're happy about that. When looking at someone else's registry, you can't help but think, "I remember I thought I needed that!" or "Dear God, why haven't they registered for an ERGO?" Seeing some of the items brings you back to a time when you also had no idea what to expect.

I'm glad I enjoyed that time in my life. I really immersed myself in that time- researching online, talking to friends, going to baby stores, reading baby blogs... it was awesome. I had such a blast getting ready for my baby. My BFF and I picked out paint colors and painted the nursery walls with the help of another friend and my husband (I supervised). I found a cool print on eBay and got it professionally framed.

What's awesome is that our baby far exceeded my expectations of what my baby was going to be like! He was easier, more fun, and cuter. Some of the stuff really came in handy- the towels, the butt cream, the thermometers, the blankets, the clothes, the toys, the swaddles- but the focus very quickly goes off the stuff and onto the baby, who mostly just needs to be fed, clothed, and kept warm those first few weeks- oh- and safely carried around to all those doctor appointments.

I guess the stuff is how we make ourselves feel ready for the baby. I don't mean that in a judgy way. It's fun to spend the last few weeks getting ready. But sometimes baby gear feels like an arsenal against THE BABY- a disruptive creature who you have to use tools to contain. I think I'm going to view my stuff a little differently next time- more as a way to have fun with my baby rather than as methods to deal with a mysterious, difficult creature.

Although maybe it went so well with him because I had all the right stuff because I researched so much? Who knows. Maybe I was, am, and always will be clueless, playing it all by ear. Maybe I know nothing. It's possible! What I do know is that every baby is different, every parent different, every life different, so people will always need or want different things for their babies. Before you are a parent yourself, and the parent of your particular baby, you can never know what you'll need. Once you are a parent, you realize how much is out of your control. It's so much easier once you accept that and just go with the flow. At least that's my philosophy. I'm not sure how else a working parent could survive.

Note: I'm not bashing my friends' registry- theirs is quite sensible and actually makes them look like they know what they are doing. And my girlfriend who just had a baby a month ago- well, her registry had all the cool gear that it took me months to realize I wanted. She was smart enough to put the metoo chair and the ERGO on her registry, whereas I bought mine myself! Click here to read full entry.

Vlog: Am I Camera Ready?

I've had the idea for a few months to do video for FC Mom, but I was going to do it in talk show format. You know, invite my kooky* friends by for interviews. (Oooh, my friend Sam would make an AWESOME pregnancy interview. She should really host her own show, she's so fun.) I think I'd be a very good moderator because of my teaching experience and general willingness to boss around other adults. Maybe that could be one of my New Year's resolutions- to do more video. I have cute, tiny flip cam that's easy to use and relatively easy to edit.

My Twitter friend Sarah at onestarrynight.com just did her first vlog yesterday. I'm really proud of her for taking the plunge. It's making me want to try it too. Sarah's sweet and sincere personality is obvious in the video, and I love her Wisconsin-ish accent. (OK turns out she lives in Illinois.)

Vlogs are tough. The best ones, I believe, are pretty short. Daphne at Coolmom.com has it down pat... then again, she's a comedian and talk show host for TV Guide who speaks on camera for a living. That's my goal- to be as funny and smooth as Daphne- she's also sincere, like Sarah, but I visit Daphne chiefly for her humor and outgoing personality. She makes me feel happy. Also, I like knowing that a working mom can still be gorgeous and funny and frazzled and... her son is about the same age as mine, so it's fun to see what he's doing.

I tried to follow a local vlog by a guy, and it was SO BORING. The thing with a vlog, is that it can't just be the same stuff you'd write. It has to offer something extra. Whether it's a pretty face, a nice voice, great facial expressions and tone... if you are boring, and can't smile and laugh, stick to writing.

About vlogs being short- even those Momversation videos, which I like, and which Daphne participates in, can get a little long. Those are basically vlogs by several mom bloggers on a topic, spliced together, often as a "she said-she said" style. The ad before the Momversation takes a few seconds, which is annoying, then the cute graphics take a couple seconds- I don't have the patience for that. I'll take Sarah and Daphne's right to the point style, no cartoon graphics needed. (That said, if Momversation were to invite me for a v-visit? I'd accept! But they're probably not going to invite me, which is why I want to host my own show. Yes. That's my New Year's Resolution. FC Mom video. Oh God- I just had a really, really good idea for a spoof on "SAHM vs WOHM." Which is a crap non-debate, which is why I want to spoof it. I'm both a SAHM and a WOHM, sorta. Altho I think I say that just because I like to join ALL the clubs that I can.)

Anyway, a hearty pat on the back to ANYONE who dares vlog! Click here to read full entry.

Pretty But Unsafe Nursery: Silly Designers!

My husband and I had a good chuckle at this totally unsafe nursery that is one of Ohdeedoh's top nursery tours of the year.

The caption states cheerfully, "We spotted this fresh room by an Urban Outfitters designer for his first daughter and had to show it to you. It's full of fun stuff including a funky mural, zebra rug, and a bird mobile made by designer friends at Anthropologie. Charley Mae is one lucky girl!"

Reader comments include, "looks great. crib looks like a death trap," and "i like the idea of this room, but it screams safety hazard! not only are the crib rails too far apart, but the crib is positioned directly under a window! this is not a safe place for a crib. also the table and shelving under the other window looks like a ladder to disaster!"

Ladder to disaster! Ha! I must admit I found that funny. I hadn't noticed the shelving that leads right up to the window sill until that comment. And honestly I didn't notice the railing spacing either... I was just loving the yellow. Yellow. That's gonna be my nursery color theme for my next baby, who is sure to be a girl, just because. Although truly I love boys, so I'll be OK with whatever. I'd just like another baby at some point in the next couple years. I'm not getting any younger, and in fact, I'll be 35 in less than two months!!!

Anyway, I found it funny that the designer of this nursery seems to have taken pains to make it as unsafe as possible. How can you get that far in designing a nursery and give so little thought to safety? I hope the baby is not yet born, and that the parents are only going to be that clueless for only a short time. Click here to read full entry.

Toys That Make Your Baby Stupider

My husband would disagree with me and tell me to lighten up, but I truly believe some toys make your baby smarter, and some make them stupider. (And you should know, I am certified to teach K-8, so you should trust me at least a little. Just ignore my husband.)

Here's one I think makes a kid smarter: Plan Toys Punch and Drop. My 8 month old learned how to put the ball in the hole, then bop it through with his hand. It was hard at first, but then he developed the coordination to hold the ball long enough to get it to the hole, then place it on the hole without it falling off the box, and finally to easily bop the ball through in one slap. (It comes with a hammer to punch them through, but we're saving that for later and just using our hands right now.)

Contrast this with many toys we are given that just make a bunch of electronic noises and spit out words he doesn't know when he presses a meaningless button. I'm not going to name any toys because I sound bitchy enough without offending any specific people who gave us gifts.

These pointless toys might keep the baby busy for a few minutes, but they are not teaching him any skills, besides maybe holding another plastic toy in his hand. He doesn't return to those toys like he returns to the toys he can do something understandable with.

Also, I'm a really anti-clutter kind of person, so it's important to me that the stuff we DO have is valuable in some way. Either it's pretty, or funny, or useful, or educational. I'm constantly culling items and evaluating whether or not we need or want them. I don't feel bad about trashing toys that no longer seem useful to me, even ones that I've bought. Of course, I keep stuff for him if I think he'll like it when he's older, and I keep stuff for the next baby.

I'm the same way with my classroom. I don't keep anything extra in there. With 25 kids and me, there is enough going on without extra stuff. I'm constantly trashing my papers, books, and supplies that I no longer need. If I come across something I probably won't ever use again, or can find online, TRASH. BYE BYE. The room has to have flow to work. Every minute at work is precious. I need a clear, uncluttered space to get work quickly so I can get home to my baby. It's incredible how much you can accumulate in ten years of teaching. If you don't unclutter, you end up with binders of lessons you will never use again- and often, multiple copies of those lessons.

I'm starting to feel the same way about my house. We have SO- MUCH- CRAP. I can't really throw away my husband's computer wires, or my favorite books, or boxes of pasta. We might need those. Crappy baby toys are an easy area for me to pare down, so I do. I can see those with a utilitarian purpose. If he doesn't play with the toy now, and I don't see it as having future value, I get rid of it. I refuse to feel bad about that. In this modern world, you have to protect yourself against the influx of stuff, whether it be bad toys or junk mail (or your own tendancy to buy books- me).

I'm just saying. There are enough crappy electronic toys at my baby's daycare. At home, we need to have good toys so he doesn't get stupid. (Plus, why would I want to listen to these talking toys?)

Note: If you like stupid electronic toys, I'm not saying your baby is stupid. I'm saying he's missing learning opportunities, and maybe will be .005% less smart than he should be. Also, maybe toddlers benefit more from these toys. I'm just talking babies here.

Other note: Not all talking toys are bad. My parents are getting the baby that talking Leapfrog Table for Christmas. I'm OK with that because it helps him to stand and there are activities on the top of the table that I think he'll understand how to do.

Also, a toy doesn't have to be quiet to be a good toy. We liked our Kaleidodisk (on right) from our dear friends Wendy and Christoper, and we like the silly singing Snoopy my parents got us.

As with all parenting decisions, each baby is different, each parent is different, and each home is different. This is how I feel about the baby toys for our home! I understand that with older kids, more than one kid, etc, there are different factors in what makes a toy valuable. Click here to read full entry.

Intervention and Crazy Moms

There is a moment in this week's Intervention where the crazy drug addict (and this one was way crazier than most) turns to her mother during the intervention to try to get ONE person to agree with her that yes, the electricity in people's bodies, and azalea bushes, and cameras, does cause her joints to dislocate.
The family had spoken ahead of time to an expert joint doctor who had said, "No, that's all a lie, she is manipulating you to try to get you to keep supporting her."
The interventionist, Ken Seeley, had also told the mother, "You know she's going to try to get you to stick with her, but you have to be strong."
Sure enough, the girl turns to plead to her mother, saying, "Mom, Mom, you KNOW that the pain I am in is real! You know what the electricity does!"
The entire family looks at the mother, expecting her to say, "Even if you are in pain, the drug abuse has to stop." Instead, the mother hesitates and says, "I do think she's in real pain."
"Mom! NO!!!" the six other family members scream at her in unison. "We talked about this yesterday!!!"

The look on the mother's face at that moment really resonated with me. The look was- it's hard to describe- she looked dumbfounded, or dumb, or just- like a stone. Like the idea of the others just wasn't reaching her, even though the day before, the world's expert on joint dislocation disorder had spoken to the family and was at that moment right there also shouting at her, "That's not true." Even if a part of her brain knew the family was right, she absolutely could not go against her instinct to help her daughter. (Of course, the problem is, that help was allowing her to live rent-free and take painkillers all day.)

I can relate because I've been there on a tiny scale. I can't even give a real example. I have vague memories of my reactions, though, to some of my husband's parenting suggestions that I've disagreed with. I disagreed, and when he continued to try to discuss, I turned to stone. I just couldn't even picture myself doing something that felt instinctually wrong. I sort of have an example: recently my husband suggested giving some formula rather than breastmilk. We're trying to get Q to take a bottle for daycare, but I'm not really getting time to pump milk to give to him. So, intellectually, it might make sense to some people to use formula in the practice bottles. Well, I am a big breastmilk proponent, and I'm just not going to consider formula. If I have access to breastmilk, I'm not gonna give formula. I'm just not. I can't do it. I can't quite say why. But I bet that the look on my face, when my husband tried to discuss that with me, was just like that lady on intervention: complete incomprehension about the suggestion.

I just understood that look, whereas a year ago, I would have said, "God that lady is crazy!" about the mother. Now, I know it's not crazy, it's just, your brain goes to a different place when it's about your kid.

I know dads feel strongly about their kids too, but I don't think their brains do quite what the mothers' brains do.

FOLLOW UP:
I watched the episode with my husband again last night, and it was different than my memory of it.
The girl said, "Mom, MOM. You KNOW if I go away, and sleep on a bad bed, it will undo ALL of my progress. And you will REGRET it. You KNOW it, Mom."
The mom paused and said, "Maybe we could get a different bed."
That's when they all screamed at her.

You can watch the episode online. It was pretty awesome. It had my FAVORITE interventionist, Ken Seeley ("I want to write a love letter to Ken Seeley," I just said to my husband. "Oh my god what if I could meet Ken Seeley?!?") AND a runner- meaning the subject takes off and they all chase her. THE BEST!!! You cannot escape Ken Seeley! Click here to read full entry.

I Love the Gym!

I've been back to the gym a few times in the past week or two, and it's been great to move my body and get some head space to myself. I also noticed yesterday that part of the fun of being at the gym is being SEEN. Not even by guys; just being seen, as a person, and as a person with a nice body. The gym is all about showing off your body, and I have to admit, I like that. I don't wear baggy clothes at the gym. I wear tight pants and tank tops, and did so even when I was pregnant. I dunno. It sounds vain, but I don't really mean it that way. I more mean, we spend all this time at the gym trying to get our bodies in shape, so it makes sense to show them off a little.

I think there was something else I wanted to say about this, but the baby is getting into everything, so I gotta run!

Oh! That I'm still in physical therapy twice a week for my loose hips/pelvis, and the PT is really helping, so it's nice to get to go back to the gym and push myself a little with the cardio. I LOVE my gym. It's always pretty crowded, so there's lots of energy to make me feel like expending my own energy to sweat a little. I actually had time to do arm weights yesterday for the first time since I had the baby; that was awesome. Thanks to the husband for taking care of baby.

Today I'll try and drop the baby off at daycare for a few hours and maybe go to PT without him, even though everyone's always like, "Where's the baby?!?" because I've been bringing him for the past three months! He's a little less content to sit in the stroller for over an hour now, though, so it's not quite as easy to take him with me. It's also not as easy to put him to sleep if he's crabby, so if I have to do that, I'll be at PT for no joke, 2 hours. It's just easier, if less fun, to go without him. I have to admit, I get a LOT LESS attention when I'm without him though. Sigh. I'm just a regular person without a cute baby. A cute, elfin baby. Click here to read full entry.

Breastfeeding: Way Better Than I Expected

I thought breastfeeding was going to stink because I'd heard such bad things about it. I did have a problem or two during the first week, but I got help on day 5 from the lactation consultant at the hospital and she got me back on track.
There is a lot I could say about this subject, but I'll summarize and say that I've been surprised at how I've felt about breastfeeding.

For example, at Baby Q's two month appointment, the nurse said, "You're breastfeeding?"
"Yup!" I said.
"Any supplements?"
"Nope!" And I was surprised by the rush of pride I felt at telling her, it's just my milk. It's just my milk that's making this baby grow.

I was also surprised at how angry I was- just a flash of anger that I quickly tamped down because I knew it was unnecessary- when my husband suggested giving Baby Q an ounce or two of formula one night when Q was being cranky and wanting to eat and eat and not fall asleep. This was about a month ago.
Me (tired, at end of rope, approaching 11pm): "I don't know why this baby won't go to bed!"
Corey: "Well, do you want to give him some formula?"
He had heard that formula makes babies sleep, and I think he was also thinking I was tired of breastfeeding Q.
Me (feeling really pissed for a second, then realizing that was a crazy way to feel): "Mmmm... No. I'll just keep feeding him."

I forget how the rest of the conversation went, but I felt inside me a renewed determination to trust that my baby was hungry and just needed to eat, or needed me to help him go to sleep, or just wasn't tired. I let my husband make the bottle in case I did lose it, but I kept breastfeeding Q, and he fell asleep.
And actually, I wasn't angry at my husband- I was angry at myself for getting frustrated with my baby. And I was very, very tired. But being told I had a way out reminded me that I did not want that way out. Rationally, I understand that formula is fine, but I didn't want to open that avenue for fear I'd rely on it, lessen my milk production, and be unable to breastfeed my baby.

I don't mean to make my husband look bad. Several other times, when Q was being cranky and wanting to eat and eat, the conversation went like this:
Me (tired, at end of rope, approaching 11pm): "I don't know why this baby won't go to bed! He just wants to eat and eat. Maybe I don't have enough milk."
Corey: "He's just a growing boy."
This happened more than once: me questioning if I had enough milk, and my husband saying, sure you do.
And I think I do. The baby is growing, so... it's all working out.

Breastfeeding is hard because you really have to trust yourself and your baby. You have to trust that you have milk, and you have to trust that your baby is hungry if he wants to eat. (Even though it's like, the 6th hour of breastfeeding that day. Believe me- I kept track of the minutes the first few weeks.)
There is a big learning curve with breastfeeding. The first couple weeks are hard because you're tired, you're sore, you're worn out, you're hormonal. It really smooths out after the first month though. And I'd say, from the beginning, it went well for me, because I headed off the couple of problems I encountered the first week by visiting and calling the lactation consultants. I love them.

You've also got to have the right supplies for breastfeeding:
1. Brest Friend nursing pillow
2. Medela lanolin for your sore boobs (that goes away after a few weeks)
3. Boob pads- I prefer disposable bc I haven't found washables that I like
4. Good nursing cover so you can feed your hungry baby when your husband's friends are over
5. Trashy magazines, laptop, iPhone, so you always have something fun to do while baby is on the boob (TV is OK, but I don't like my baby to hear TOO much crap while he's eating- plus our TV is downstairs and that couch is too deep to breastfeed comfortably)

I will say, here is what is stressful about breastfeeding: you're the only one who can do the job of feeding the kid. Frankly, I take great pride in that. I want to be the most important person in my kid's life. I'm selfish and obsessive like that. Plus, on a more practical level, I'm not working: breastfeeding is my job. I want to do that job. I think I'm good at it, so I feel good about doing it.
But it is hard being the one who has to get up every 2, 3, or 4 hours at night- you simply can't sleep if the baby wants to eat. That hasn't been a problem for me yet. I'm not working, and I'm not going to work until he's 10 months old. I don't feel stressed about getting him to sleep through the night yet. I'm perfectly fine feeding him whenever he wants to eat. It would be so shitty if I had to go back to work at 8 or 12 weeks. That would be really, really hard. My friends who do that have had to work harder at getting their baby on a better night schedule. It's not easy.
I do get tired. I do crave sleep really badly sometimes (right now, at 930 pm Friday, I'm fine. This morning at 6:30 am, I made my husband get up and change the baby, then bring him to me to feed in bed- and I swear, I slept during the three minutes my husband changed him. And yesterday morning around the same time, I vaguely recall saying, "Take him away so I can sleep." And I got a full 50 minutes of "don't have to worry about baby waking up because I'm not in charge of him right now" time.
If I do get worn down, I take action. I don't make plans for the day, and I make it a priority to get Q to sleep during the day (not always a guarantee). In the first month, I'd even skip dinner to sleep if I needed to, because I know how TERRIBLE I can be if I'm tired. I did have a rough week last week- I had trouble getting back to sleep at 1 am, then 4 am... and I did get worn down. But that's when you stop and reset: cancel the plans, stay at home for a day or two, get recharged.

But in general, the best advice I got, which wasn't advice, but it was how I set my mind after a billion people told me, "Sleep now while you can." That wasn't good advice. What 10 month pregnant lady can sleep? DUH!!! But that made me think I'd better treat infanthood like I was a Navy SEAL. You know, go in expecting hellish sleep deprivation, then be surprised at it being only a little worse than those college all-nighters. Or, maybe easier, but with added challenges of breastfeeding, hormones, and the insane thing that is the post-pregnancy body.

But I think maybe my baby's just easy. He's not colicky. He only cries if he's hungry or tired. If I take care of those two things, he's fine.

But oh, the boy does not like the car. He screams and shouts, I think because I often put him in the car when he's tired, because I've learned I can stay home for 6 hours trying to get him to nap, or I can go out, endure a car ride of crying, but then have him fall asleep in his sling while I'm shopping or walking. I'd be stuck at home all day if I didn't hear him cry. But oh, he gets hysterical in the car. It's bad. His crying makes me skin crawl.

God, I'm kind of boring myself. I just wanted to say that breastfeeding is pretty cool.

PS- you are allowed to drink while breastfeeding. Just don't drink on an empty stomach, or your body WILL use that to make the milk. Baby won't get drunk, but he may be irritable. So only drink if you have eaten and/or are eating. And don't get totally plastered. Click here to read full entry.

Celeb Crush: Sean Penn In, Chris Brown Out

As soon as news broke of Chris Brown beating up his girlfriend Rihanna, I knew he'd need to be officially removed from my List of Celebrity Crushes. However, I didn't know who to replace him with, so I was dragging my feet. I think I've got someone: Sean Penn. I just read the Rolling Stone interview with him, and I think he's cool enough and cute enough to be on the list. He's very opinionated, and I like that in a person. I also LOVED his movie Into the Wild with Emile Hirsch. It's the only good movie I've seen in the last 2 years.

Here's my new, fully revised List of My Top 5 Celebrity Crushes:

Crush 1, on left: Josh Hollowell: actor from my fave TV Show Lost-- He's just pretty, and I like his Southern accent.

Crush 2, on right: James Hetfield: lead singer of Metallica-- He's cute, and a very talented singer song-writer. Plus, he's different, and I like that.



Crush 3: Dale Earnhardt, Jr., NASCAR driver. Very cute, love his red hair, like his Southern accent.



Crush 4: Tom Petty, singer; mostly the Tom Petty of 20 years ago. Tom Petty would not be called a traditional sex symbol, and some people might call him skinny and gross. I can only send you to this YouTube video of the making of the Traveling Wilburys album. It's a great movie, and Petty is so young and cool and just as good of a musician as the guys he's playing with: Roy Orbison, Bob Dylan, Jeff Lynne, and George Harrison. I adore Petty's voice, especially his speaking voice.

Crush 5: Sean Penn, actor/director. Very cute when he was younger, and still a good-looking guy at age 48. I love the movie he directed recently, Into the Wild. You can't read his recent Rolling Stone interview online, but here's a post by the guy who interviewed him that gives a sense of how the interview went.

Click here to read full entry.

Other Smaller Obsession: The Obamas

Me: I just found 2 great new Obama sites.
Husband: Whitehouse dot gov and c-span?
Me: No, This Week With Barack Obama dot blogspot dot com and Michelle Obama Watch dot com.

I'm sorry, I love the First Family. I love the video of Barack and Michelle reading to second graders, and I love the photos of the Obamas leaving on the helicopter for Chicago, with each daughter carrying a backpack. You know they did homework the entire way.

Michelle Obama Watch has short articles like "Video: First Lady Obama Visits Howard University - (”Be True to Yourself” Work/Life Balance)," "Cute Video From First Lady’s Visit to Mary’s Center for Maternal and Child Care- Hugs For Everyone," and "Michelle and Barack Understand the Value of Informal Gatherings." That last article says, Michelle and Barack Obama maintain what Amie Parnes describes as a "dizzying social calendar" to make sure organic relationships trump political maneuvering. Reporting for politico.com, Parnes reveals that the Obama's host informal gatherings where guests eat hot dogs, pizza and ice cream - and don't sit around talking about politics.

Obama Watch is a little more politically-oriented, which is understandable, but it still has fun posts like "Obama License Plates" (only available in Illinois) and "Ebony Magazine Obama Cover the Best Selling Ever." It, like the Michelle site, has good video and photos.

I prefer my political news interspersed with healthy amounts of feel-good video and paparazzi-like photos. Click here to read full entry.

New Obsession: Bob Jogging Stroller

I think I have shaken my obsession with the bugaboo Cameleon. I visited it at giggle in Greenwich yesterday, and realized that although it drives like a dream and is cute as sh!t, it truly is a pain to fold. The saleswoman told me that the Maclaren Quest Sport stroller (with orange accents!) is OK for babies 3 months or older- and at $225, 13 pounds, and a simple fold, that's a better deal than the 20 pound, $900 Cameleon! The Maclaren can also hold a kid up to 55 pounds, whereas the Cameleon can only hold a kid up to 40 pounds. So, until 3 months, I'll just use my Maclaren $80 frame with my Graco carseat, then I'll get me a Quest Sport or maybe just a Quest.

Dropping my bugaboo obsession leaves room for a new one: the Bob Revolution jogging stroller. It's 400 bucks, but also pushes incredibly smoothly, almost as smoothly as the Cameleon. It doesn't turn as sharply, but it got easily through the aisles at giggle. I am definitely going to get a jogger, so why not get the dreamy Bob? I hear great things about it from all my facebook friends, and one of them is a chemistry professor; who's going to argue with her?

I'm getting the Bob. It's only a question of when (I'm thinking a few weeks after baby is born?) and in what color (maybe light brown and light blue). The Bob does have a car seat adapter, but you can only walk with the baby until the pediatrician gives you the go-ahead to jog at 6-9 months. I think the doc has to make sure baby's neck and other important parts can handle the bumps.

I'm not supposed to work out until after I have this baby- doctor wants me to rest- so I am ITCHING to get moving as soon as I have recovered from delivery. I really like to move, and not working out has been very, very annoying for me. I'll get the Bob car seat adapter for my speed walks, because I need to do some damn cardio ASAP.

Bob, I already love you. I'm just waiting for the husband's approval to buy you. I'm also trying to decide if I should just get the dark blue or organge model, which is on sale at giggle for $311, or if I should pay $389 for the cuter light brown/blue model. So far, I'm leaning toward the sale item, mostly because it makes me feel justified in buying it like, tomorrow.

I have not completely forgotten the Cameleon. I know that no other stroller rides as smoothly, and thinking of my baby in his rickety Maclaren (well, rickety in comparison) hurts me just a teeny bit. I don't want to jiggle my baby, but Baby, $900 is a lot of money for a stroller, and Mommy wants the Bob, too. There's only room in the bank account for one over-priced stroller. Click here to read full entry.

Obsessions: Nursery, the Color Orange, Bugaboo

My to-do list is far too long to write a coherent blog post, so I'll make this a several-topic, list-form post.

1. I am totally obsessed with my baby's nursery. I hang out in here all the time. It's actually the only place in the house I really hang out. I look up stuff on my laptop and look through my baby binder (has to-do lists, receipts, doctor info, lists of stuff I still need, etc.) Then, I either make a phone call related to the to-do list, or get up and do something, like baby laundry or get a drink of water, or pee, which I seem to be doing a lot. The doctor said the baby is pretty much sitting on my bladder. Well, sitting with his head, because my little angel is already head down. Good job, baby!

Today I am going to put together a little table from IKEA that will go beside my chair in here. Right now, I'm using the Diaper Dekor as my chairside table. It's actually quite good, but once there are stinky diapers in there, I probably won't want to set my coffee on it.

2. I truly am obsessed with the color orange. My wedding flowers were orange and light blue, the baby's room is light blue and my favorite sheets are the orange striped ones, and the concert poster I need to hang on the baby's wall has orange in it. There were orange dots on my wedding cake. And I bought a stuffed animal with orange in it.

3. The rumors I hear about Chris Brown, one of my celeb crushes, assaulting his girlfriend Rihanna, had better not even be the slightest bit true, or he is OFF my list of celebrity crushes.

4. I am obssessed with the bugaboo Cameleon stroller. This stroller is unfortunately $900. Since I can't have it, I am obsessed with it. I view the cost of all items in terms of a bugaboo. Example: "This dinner cost a hundred bucks!?! That's 1/9 of my bugaboo!" Or, "That IKEA chest is $240? That's almost a quarter of my bugaboo." The bugaboo comes in orange, which as you can imagine, only fans the flames of my bugaboo ardor.

See? See the cake? With the orange dots?

Click here to read full entry.

Napping: Difficult But Worth It

"A cup of strong coffee might make you feel wide awake, but a small study suggests that for improved physical and mental performance, an afternoon nap works better." OK, but then the short article goes on to say the subjects napped from 1-3pm. That's not a NAP, that's a full on siesta. Of course you're going to rock out on cognitive tests after going through a full REM cycle, but how is that going to be applied practically? Who's gonna nap for two hours on anything but a weekend?

The weekday is when you need a nap to get all the annoying money-earning cognition done. But in a weekday, you're lucky if you can find a way to close your eyes for 20 minutes. You have to have an office door you can lock- or, if you are really desperate, be the type who can recline the driver's seat of the car and sleep.

Luckily, I can do both, and I always have a free period in the afternoon. (Well, a period with no students where I'm supposed to get actual work done.) I used to get sinus infections a lot, and I had to nap to make it through the day. I need that less, but I still keep all my napping supplies handy. Sometimes, to survive that last hour of work with 26 energetic and/or lethargic pre-teens, I just have to lie down and let my brain rest.
Here's how I do it:

1. I always put a rug in my classroom so I have a good napping surface- I kid you not.
2. At 1:05 pm, I lock my classroom door, shut the shades, and get out my napping pad and pillow. The napping pad is a superthick exercise mat.
3. I set my phone alarm, cover myself with my jacket, and curl up and try to fall asleep. My closet is a little too small to keep a blanket and a pillow, so the coat works fine.

Sometimes I don't actually fall asleep, but the full-on body relaxation helps me feel better, and at least I know I tried. And, even if I wake up feeling groggy, I know I got a little rest, and I take solace in that and muddle through.

Occasionally a co-worker will ask to borrow my napping pad and/or just lie on my rug, because for some reason, teachers insist on going to work when we're sick, or maybe we're just sick a lot. I'm freaking sick right now. I managed to sleep for two hours tonight before my coughing took over. That's why I'm writing this at 1:33 am. I couldn't stop coughing and I felt bad for keeping my husband up, so I might as well enjoy myself out in the living room. My friend/co-worker is sleeping in our guest bed, because even though I'm still sick, I feel better than I have the past few weeks, so we did our weekly Tuesday "Biggest Loser" girls' TV and gossip night.

If I go to work tomorrow, which I think I will, I can guarantee you I'll use that napping pad. Just knowing I have it makes me able to go in to work, because I know there are two parts of the day where I can try to nap for 30 minutes. It involves skipping meetings and/or not getting work done, but it means I can make it through the day- and maybe even be a good teacher while I'm at it.

I love napping. I have always been very good at it, and have even been known to set my alarm and get into bed for just 5 minutes at a time in my life when I really needed some extra sleep (counselor at an amazing writing camp for high schoolers). Even those few minutes of eye closure refreshed me, and then I was off to teach my Irish dancing or video magazine elective- two things I knew almost nothing about, but learned enough to teach. 

I can nap anywhere- Starbucks, outdoors, my car, the couch, in front of people- I don't care.

Shoot! I Just saw this napping kit, and got excited, then I realized it's for a BABY! Adults need napping kits too, and that's why I keep my napping arsenal at work.


Related article:
"Some Respect, Please, for the Afternoon Nap" by Lisa Belkin about napping at work. Click here to read full entry.

Batch Cooking: Healthy Eating for the Lazy

I first discovered batch-cooking with the book Diet Simple, and I've been doing it for years now. You make a bunch of soup/stew, then freeze it in containers so you have a couple weeks of healthy lunch or dinners. Since my husband will go nowhere near my vegetable-laden stews, I eat mine at lunch. My current batch is eliciting a lot of oohs, ahhs, and "What's in that? It looks so good"s from my co-workers, so I thought I'd share. Basically, it's zucchini, (pre-cut) squash, white bean, bulgur, spinach, cans of diced tomatoes and chicken broth. The only hard part of this non-recipe is chopping the onion and slicing the zucchini. Other than that, get out your biggest pot, open the cans, and cut open the bags of organic veggies. The recipe is impossible to mess up. Note: the squash made this a bit too sweet. I'd use less next time or use carrots instead.

The nice thing about this recipe is that you can vary it easily. Make it more Italian by using tomatoes with Italian flavor and elbow noodles. Make it chili-like by using tomatoes with chili peppers, black beans, and chili powder and cumin. In fact, that's the batch I'm snacking on right now as I write this post: my tofu chili batch with black and kidney beans that I made a month ago. It's only 9 am and I'm already getting nutrients and phytochemicals. I added Mexican cheese and it's out of control good.

Basic recipe:
1. Chop onion, slice a few zucchini (anywhere from 2-5).
2. Saute onion a minute or two, toss in zucchini, stir, saute a few minutes.
3. Dump in a can or two of flavored diced tomatoes, flavor of your choice.
4. Dump in as much chicken broth as you want. If you're using potatoes or squash, let it boil lightly on medium for 20 minutes. Or 30, whatever works.
5. When you have like ten minutes left of cooking, add the bulgur wheat. This grain is super-high in protein and cooks as easily as pasta. Boil it lightly for a minute or two, then turn it to simmer for 10 minutes. Or 20 if you get distracted.
6. Throw in a block of frozen organic spinach. Simmer for 5 minutes or until melted.
7. Turn off burner, remove pot from heat, let cool for 30 minutes or an hour or whatever.
8. Put into containers and freeze. Should make 8 or more 2 cup portions.

Another nice thing about this recipe is that you need very few fresh ingredients, so you can kind of make it whenever, without much planning. The zucchini, though, is pretty key for me, and I never make these soups without it. If organic red peppers were not $9 a pound, I'd include those. I've been going organic on red peppers, apples, spinach and strawberries since those are among the highest in pesticide.

I used to include more meat in these, but I've been feeling grossed out by reheated meats in the past year or so, so I no longer include turkey burger in my chili or diced turkey in my white bean soup. It's not worth the skeevy factor to me. Click here to read full entry.

I Sorta Hate Broadway But Mostly Like Idina

This is kind of random, but it lets me announce that I generally hate Broadway shows, so I'll go for it.

I just saw that Idina Menzel is performing at a local theatre company to promote her new CD. Idina played Elphaba, future Wicked Witch of the West, in the original Broadway cast of Wicked. I saw the show by chance and am very glad I did. A coworker had to sell her ticket, and it was my b-day week, so I justified the $120 purchase. This was just after the show opened on Broadway. I'm not the sort of organized go-getter who manages to get tickets like that, which is maybe why I hate Broadway shows. I see all the bad ones you're able to get tickets to (Victor Victoria, Miss Saigon, Gypsy, Phantom of the Opera).

Wicked is the one Broadway show (besides Les Mis) I have ever enjoyed. The story line was interesting (the origins of The Wizard of Oz's witches, Tin Man, Lion, etc.) and the two main actresses, Idina and Kristen Chenowith, were absolutely incredible. If you've heard the Wicked CD, that's them singing. Idina Menzel's voice was so powerful. This is why I am so disappointed by the clips I heard of her new CD (I Stand) on iTunes.

The songs are cheesy ("Better To Have Loved," "Don't Let Me Down," "My Own Worst Enemy"), and her voice is just too big to be contained on a dinky CD. It sounds constrained and out of place amidst the controlled, fake pop background. Anyone can sing pop, so why waste her voice? OK, if that CD were her vision and what she believed in, fine, but it seems like she went for the easy, harmless sell. Why not showcase her voice, like that amazing Josh Groban does? That guy is good, and it's all about his voice. His voice is made for soaring arias, and so is Idina's, even if her arias are more the Broadway solo type.

On Idina's official youtube channel, there's a nice acoustic version of one song, "I Stand" (see clip below), but as far as I can tell, it's the only acceptable song. Since it's acoustic, it sounds more musical-y than poppy.



The woman is made for live singing, and if you're going to put her on a CD, it just needs to be better than the one she's putting forth.

I also found a clip of Idina singing a song from the Beowulf movie, and that is also musical-y. Really pretty, actually: A Hero Comes Home. Here's a clip:



About hating Broadway: the slow songs are always terrible, and I always fall asleep in them. Broadway humor is hokey. I always get the bad seats. Most of the music stinks. Half of the shows are 20 years old and outdated. I do hear that Avenue Q is good. (Hint, hint, husband.) Click here to read full entry.

My Celebrity Crushes (Might Surprise You)

I want to get this out in the open:

Crush 1, on left: Josh Hollowell: actor from my fave TV Show Lost-- He's just pretty, and I like his Southern accent.

Crush 2, on right: Chris Brown: R and B singer-- I like his songs, and he is so cute. Plus, he is from Virginia, like me. I know he's only 19, but don't worry, these are just abstract crushes... sure. See and hear him in full gorgeousness at youtube.

My crush 3: James Hetfield (shaved version): lead singer of Metallica--
I like musicians, OK? He's a talented singer and songwriter. My husband was a very talented trombonist in high school, for real. See, I fell for a musician... yeah.

Oh- I almost forgot my crush on Dale Earnhardt, Jr., NASCAR driver.

Oh shoot, I also forgot Tom Petty; mostly the Tom Petty of 20 years ago. Tom Petty would not be called a traditional sex symbol, and some people might call him skinny and gross. I can only send you to this YouTube video of the making of the Traveling Wilburys album. It's a great movie, and Petty is so young and cool and just as good of a musician as the guys he's playing with: Roy Orbison, Bob Dylan, Jeff Lynne, and George Harrison. I adore Petty's voice, especially his speaking voice. I do like musicians...

Click here to read full entry.

Favorites: Laptop, Manicure, Traveling Wilburys

Orig post date: Feb 2008. I'm writing something about diamond rings and jealousy, but it's still very nebulous. One thing I can tell you is that my ring* looks spectacular next to my watermelon-colored nails. I made 200 bucks this week tutoring, so I treated myself to the manicure I've been wanting for 6 months.

I also wanted to show off my decorated laptop. I read an article about how Apple's success has created a clone-like atmosphere at Starbucks- rows of white laptops. Not me! I thought. Any hesitation I felt about plastering the name of my other website on my pristine laptop disappeared, and I added a Traveling Wilburys sticker for good measure. It's one of those quality fabric-y stickers, so it won't peel off. If you have any high-quality, durable stickers, please send them to me.

The only other person I've seen with a decorated laptop was an NYU student with a lot of stickers on hers. The white surface of my MacBook is also making me want to doodle on it with permanent marker.  But I won't, because that would be impulsive, and I'm not even sure what I'd want to doodle.  

*100 year old diamond, belonged to my husband's great- grandmother. Pretty, and, not to be gauche.... free.

I'll leave you with one of my favorite Traveling Wilbury songs:



Ah! that reminds me to add Tom Petty to my list of celebrity crushes! Click here to read full entry.