Breastfeeding: Wish I'd Heard More Good Things!

This month I’m thrilled to be participating in Blacktating’s Carnival of Breastfeeding, where moms contribute posts on a theme. This month’s theme is “If I’d Known Then…” Links to other blogger’s thoughts on the topic are at the end of this post.

I’ve been breastfeeding for almost seven months now, and it’s been so much cooler than I expected. I wish I’d known ahead of time how wonderful and easy breastfeeding could be.

I’d heard terrible things about breastfeeding; how it hurt, how it was hard - general doomsday stuff. But I had a hunch it could be OK, because on my visits to my sister I saw her breastfeed my nephews and niece and it didn’t look that awful. In fact, she made it look easy. Maybe it will be that easy for me, I thought to myself. But when I was pregnant and people asked me, “Are you going to breastfeed?” I’d say, very casually, “I’m going to try.” I’d heard so many stories of failure that I dared not hope I’d be able to manage it. I think I also didn’t want to hear any more bad stories about breastfeeding, so I tried to give the most noncommittal answer possible. Now I hate to think of how wishy-washy I sounded, and I wish that I could have given a more confident answer.

So far I am amazed by how much I have enjoyed breastfeeding. I didn’t know that in those tired days after the baby is born, breastfeeding makes pleasant hormones course through your body. I didn’t know how breastfeeding teaches you to read your baby so well. I didn’t know how it was so convenient to be able to feed the baby at a restaurant, in the car, or while walking around Target without having to do anything but adjust my shirt. I didn’t know how easy breastfeeding made life with a baby. You can pacify a baby on a 6 hour flight to CA with hardly any effort. I had no idea! You can let a fussy baby nurse for an hour straight when nothing else works… and you can lie down doing it! Does it get much easier for an exhausted mom?

Don’t get me wrong. We’ve had a few problems: bruised nipples from a bad latch at day five (my fault, not the baby’s), clogged ducts at month three, and a decreased supply after the baby nursed poorly at month five when he had a bad flu. I got through it all with the help of the lactation consultants at my local hospital. I cannot say enough about how much they have helped me. I was also lucky enough not to be working, so I had plenty of time at home to resolve the issues with little outside demands on me.

There are a few other things I wish I’d known. I knew I didn’t want many visitors at the hospital so I could focus on feeding the baby, but I didn’t know that even having a few visitors would impact my ability to feed my baby on demand. The baby was fussing while company was there, and I tried everything else except feeding him to calm him down. I was still too new at breastfeeding to be able to nurse in front of people I wasn’t fully comfortable with, and plus, I didn’t really understand that my baby was fussing because he was hungry. I couldn’t fully fathom that babies needed to eat ALL THE TIME those first days. I think back to how I rocked and shushed him until the visitors left, and I feel terrible because now I realize I ignored my baby’s hunger signals. I have to wonder if that’s why my milk took an extra day or two to come in, which made the baby a bit jaundiced and the doctor worry about his weight. It worked out fine, but with the next baby, I’ll do a better job of feeding the baby often right from the start.

I also wish I’d heard about cluster feedings before I experienced them. It’s hard to believe a baby would nurse for three hours straight… until midnight, 1 am, and a couple times, 2 am. It’s easy to start thinking you don’t have enough milk. A couple times we even broke into the formula cans we’d received in the mail and made a bottle, but each time, I looked at the bottle and said, “I’ll feed him just a little more.” I kept nursing him and eventually he fell asleep. If I weren’t such a stubborn person, I would have used the formula, and in doing so, possibly not allowed my breasts to know how much milk the baby really needed from me. Breastfeeding is a leap of faith, and you have to trust both yourself and the baby. If you trust that your baby really is hungry, even if it’s only been an hour or two after the last feed, the milk supply will most likely follow. My lactation consultant emphasized that theme in the hospital’s New Mothers group, and that lesson of listening to the baby and reading his signals has driven pretty much all of my breastfeeding decisions since then.

I hope to be able to spread the good word about breastfeeding. I know some people have a hard time, but for me, it has been intuitive, calming, and yes- easy. I don’t want other people to end up with a long list of “things I wish I’d known,” so I offer simple advice to my friends who are pregnant. I tell them to line up a lactation consultant ahead of time, so they know they can call someone in the morning for help (after a 3 am freakout!). I also tell them to get a copy of The Nursing Mother’s Companion, which I think is one of the easiest to use and most organized breastfeeding books. I think every nursing mother needs support, even the ones who have a relatively easy time like me.

Read other mothers' stories:

--When breastfeeding begins badly, and what I should have done about it by The Milk Mama

--What I Wish I'd Known Back Then About Breastfeeding by Christina at Massachusetts Friends of Midwives

--If I'd Known Then... by Whozat

--You don't have to grin and bear it by Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite!

--Robin Elise Weiss at Birth Activist

--Barbara at Three Girl Pile Up

--Adria at Happy Bambino

--What I Wish I'd Known Then: A Poem by Lisa at My World Edenwild

--AP Principle #2: What I wish I'd known when I started breastfeeding by Hobo Mama

--I wish I would've known! by strwberryjoy (Maria)

--Rebekah at Momma's Angel

--Breastfeeding Mums: 15 Breastfeeding Facts I Wish I'd Known as a First Time Breastfeeding Mum

--Rita at Fighting Off Frumpy: When Breastfeeding Feels Wrong

--Cave Mother: Nursing Wisdom

--Breastfeeding 1-2-3: Trust Yourself and Your Body

--Breastfeeding is life changing at Blacktating

--Claire at Mum Unplugged
Click here to read full entry.

My Mini-Me

It's weird, how attached I feel to this baby. I just can't get enough of him. Looking at pictures of him is weird, because pictures make me try to see objectively what he looks like- but all I can see is a little extension of myself, and someone I know so well that he feels like me.* I am so lucky to get to be with him full time for ten months.

Holding him feels so natural. It feels odd to be without him. Right now he is sleeping, which is why I have to time to write and reflect. I guess his better sleeping is one of the ways that he and I will become separate as he gets older.

It is so easy to go about my days with him. I love grocery shopping with him, I love going out with friends with him. I love eating lunch while he plays on the floor beside me. I love feeding him while I watch TV (because you have to tune out for just a little during the day, fo real). I like changing his diaper. I like sitting him in the exersaucer while I shower, talking to him while I shower, and opening the shower door to peek at him and make him laugh.

Only down sides of a baby:
Can't go to the gym.
Can't go have long dinners out with husband (altho as we are getting back on a schedule after our trip and illnesses, I can see how that would actually be possible).
Can't get tipsy (have to feed baby).
Less time for crosswords and blogging.
(And, I'd like to get tipsy during those dinners out, but if baby wakes and needs to eat, have to be able to feed him; I'm too lazy to do bottles and pumping.)

But I totally love it.
I am already thinking of the next one. I mean, is that terrible?

*Not to leave the husband out of all this. My husband also feels like an extension of me- or rather, part of me- like, the other half of me- so that I often forget to tell him things, because if it's in my head, it feels like it should be in his head too.

But my baby and I get along GREAT. I want to see who the next one is gonna be, if I am lucky enough to have another!

This post is rambling and absurd, but whatevs. I just want to think about how darling this baby is. Click here to read full entry.

One Thing I Wish I'd Known About Breastfeeding

I'd wish I'd heard about cluster feeding, where, in preparation for sleep, the baby NURSES HIS HEAD OFF FOR LIKE THREE HOURS. The reason this is an issue is:
1. You cannot fathom that your baby needs to nurse AGAIN.
2. Your spouse has just gotten home and wants to hang out with you/eat with you
3. You begin to think you have no milk.

What you need to do is just sit on your butt and nurse, but it is so hard because you really feel like you need to be putting on a good, cheery face for your husband. I am so glad that my husband and I realized that evenings might not be so easy and like they used to be. In those first few weeks, if the baby fell asleep at 7, rather than hang out with Corey, I'd go sleep too. I mean, it's total guerrilla tactics, but to survive and thrive as first time parents, you have to do crazy things like nap from 7-9 pm. (Because your damn baby is gonna want to nurse non-stop from 9 to midnight.)

I was just reminded of this when reading Nina Planck's Real Food for Mom and Baby. Yeah, I'm a hippie.
And this is me nursing Q when he was a couple weeks old, not in my nursing nook, but in the living room, still in maternity clothes, of course!

My biggest tip for cluster feeding is:
1. Get an awesome nursing pillow so you can nurse hands free
2. Get a laptop or a book and set it right in front of your nursing chair- better yet, get all the trashy tabloid mags, because your brain is fried.
3. Get a system, like unlimited texting for the iPhone, so you can summon your husband or mom to refill your water bottle, bring you socks for your freezing feet, or whatever.

I finally read "Bringing Your Newborn Home" AS I was nursing in those first few weeks when I was nursing 5, 6 hours a day, letting Q nurse as long as he wanted.

Letting your baby nurse as long as he wants is good for:
1. Making sure he gets to the fattier hindmilk at the end of the feed
2. Stimulating your prolactin receptors so you will always have enough milk in the later months of nursing
3. You, relaxing, reading, while the baby does his thing.

All that stuff about "don't let your baby use you as a pacifier" does NOT apply to the first month or two. Your baby is hard at work making your boobs into nursing boobs, and you need to ignore pressure from the outside world who say, "Didn't you just feed him?" "He's just using you as a pacifier." "Are you sure you have enough milk?" This is the kind of stuff that makes you feel bad about your nursing capabilities, when really, you are ROCKING IT.

Here are a couple of my fave nursing shots from the first month or two:

Nursing Q while visiting our friends Daniel and Zaida, who had their twins a few weeks after Q.









Nursing while watching Biggest Loser with my friends/coworkers. I swear, I nursed ALL THE TIME in that first month or two! Time or place, didn't matter. Just wanted that baby to gain weight.




The one thing I'm going to do differently with my next baby is nurse him or her more often in the first 24 hours. Long story, don't feel like getting into it right now.
Click here to read full entry.

I Find People Funny: The Kid Who Dunked on LeBron

I just discovered ESPN's video page and got a chuckle out of the interview with the Xavier player who supposedly dunked on LeBron during a Nike camp. Specifically, I giggled when he said the high school kids who were watching started "running around." I love imagining the euphoria of those kids, knowing they'd seen the NBA's biggest star get dunked on by a regular young player! Too funny.




I have adored LeBron ever since he hosted SNL and was soooo funny.

I cannot find the LeBron skits on the SUCKY ASS nbc video site, but I also really liked this video of Kanye West mocking himself on the LeBron SNL:
http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/106-and-park/161982/#


Click here to read full entry.

Baby is Actually Sleeping in His Crib!

Well hello Fancy Pancakes! How are you? Long time no see. Now that my baby is MIRACULOUSLY asleep IN HIS CRIB for going on TWO HOURS now, I have a few minutes to blog. I hung out with husband, researched video monitors, and now that I have had more than like, an hour away from my baby, my brain has had time to formulate some sentences that are not totally about him.

I was just chuckling to myself because I just did that thing you read about new parents doing: the kid is finally sleeping like he is SUPPOSED to, and you are so shocked that you have to go make sure he's breathing.
"I cannot believe he's sleeping!" I said happily to my husband. "Wait- maybe he's dead!"
"Go check on him."
"I can't! The floor is so creaky. I don't want to wake him up... if he's still alive. And I can't even see him because we got those room-darkening shades. And I don't have a flashlight!" I whined.
"Use the iPhone!" he said.
So I did, but all that showed me was that the baby's face was not covered with the blankie I had laid over him. So, then I felt his arm. Felt pretty warm, but not really, so I put my hand under his nose to see if I could feel him breathing. I couldn't. So, I put my hand on his chest, and it was definitely moving... a little. Babies are tummy breathers, so I moved my hand a little lower to his belly- sure enough, it was rising and falling. YAY!

Since there are VERY creaky floorboards in his room, I'm going to go out and get a video monitor tomorrow so I don't always suspect a sleeping baby is a... smothered, SIDS baby. I'm sorry, that's morbid, but that's what I'm (slightly) worried about now that he is more amenable to sleeping away from me!

There, wow, a sort of coherent thought. Click here to read full entry.

My Baby Sure Does Look Like Me

New friend to me yesterday: "He looks just like you!"
Me: "Thaaaanks!"

After I said that, I was like, Huh? What do I even mean?

People aren't necessarily meaning it as a compliment, for goodness' sake. So why am I saying thank you?

But I do mean thank you... because I am delighted he looks like me. I wasn't expecting that. I was expecting him to look like my husband, and was looking forward to that. You know, he's a boy, he'll certainly look at least somewhat like his Dad. I was looking forward to seeing little parts of Corey in him. Well, as soon as he was out of the womb, I could tell that baby didn't look a thing like my husband. Not his nose, not his hair... I felt like I was looking at myself. Or, at least not at my husband. I could tell right away that he had the mouth from my mother's side, and the cleft chin that both my parents and sisters have.

Once I got used to the idea, I was totally into having a male mini-me. From the first week he was here I'd say, "He looks like me, right?" People, including my best friends and mom, would say, "I'm not sure he does." Of course, I thought them all idiots, or in denial, or maybe resisting because I so obviously wanted it to be true that he looked like me, and were trying to collectively spite me.

Well, a couple months in, when I started going out and about and meeting new people, I started hearing ove and over, "Oh my gosh he looks just like you!" Like, repeatedly.

I hate to say I told you so. Just hate it. So, I'll write it: I TOTALLY TOLD YOU SO! Click here to read full entry.

All That Time/ Coffins at Dover

Some recent photos of coffins from Iraq and Afghanistan, being flown home to the US via Dover Air Force Base, gave me this thought: that every adult that dies was once a baby, and someone invested so much time in them.

The photos are the first to be allowed of the coffins in 18 years. I was paging through the photos, which are actually pretty repetitive: coffin, draped in flag, being unloaded, a soldier in full uniform standing beside it. But what I saw was: young man inside, who was probably just 22 years ago, a little baby being gazed at and held by his mom. It made me really sad to think that inside that coffin were years and years of a parent's time, energy and love.

After Mommy and Me Yoga last week, two other women and I went to lunch with our babies. The Swedish woman has her baby sleep under a quilt (evidently Swedish mommies are way more easygoing than American ones!) which clearly goes against SIDS rules: sleep on the back, no quilts or blankets in the crib. She mentioned that once they can turn and lift their heads, babies are less at risk for suffocating. The other woman then said that when she was little, a cousin of hers had a baby who died of SIDS at 4 months, and that for the couple's next baby, they watched it on a video monitor at all times if it was sleeping in a different room. Her point was that four months had sounded pretty young to her, but now that she was holding her own three month old, she could tell that he was already his own little person. I added, "Yeah, and you know how much time you've already invested." Of course, we changed topics pretty quickly after that, because the idea of SIDS is just horrifying. You can't think much about that, or you'd never sleep.

Babies certainly do give you a new perspective. Examples:
1. Thinking of the soldiers in the coffins as grown up babies, rather than just adult men.
2. I keep thinking these days, that even the world's worst adult was still once a perfect little baby. It really puts bad people in perspective, and you have to wonder how they end up that way. It has to be the parents' fault, because babies are just angels personified.
3. I'm going to stop going into banks, because banks in my city get robbed every few months, and in-person banking is just not worth that risk. If I were in a bank with Q, and a robber came in, I would lose my mind. (I'm tempted to start packing heat, seriously.)
4. I freaked out when I saw a baby bird struggling to fly near a store this week. I was trying to figure out who to call, because I had to do something. Other passersby were useless, so I ended up calling my vet (crying), and they gave me a wildlife #. I was totally seeing that bird as a baby that needed help, and I was freaking out because I was worried I'd try to ignore it, then not be able to forget it.

(Then, the bird got under a lady's car, and I wouldn't let her drive away until I ensured it wasn't under her car. She even got on the ground to check with me. She was the most compassionate person I encountered, besides the kind receptionist at my vet. Then, I didn't know where the bird was, so the problem was solved. I'm going to assume it learned to fly and flew successfully away.)

Yeah, sometimes it's challenging being me, but it works for me, and I like it. Click here to read full entry.

"Mommy" and "Mommying": Infantilizing Words?

I cannot stop calling myself and the other women in my Mom's group "mommies." I didn't use to talk like that, and that word probably would have grossed me out a few months ago. "Mommy" sounds infantile, yet it sounds right for what I and the other women in my hospital's New Moms groups are doing. Mommies sound young and new, and that's what we are. We are really still in the learning phase. Just in the past few weeks, month 3 of Q's life, do I feel fully confident in getting him to sleep and taking him out in public without any disasters (you know, taking him out when he's too tired so he cries and cries, or forgetting my wallet in the car at the grocery store).

"Moms" sound experienced. Once we go back to work, maybe we'll be Moms, but right now, I spend my days lilting around town. Life with one new kid is blissfully simple (um, after the mildly hellish first few weeks of recovery and sleep deprivation). I'm going to baby yoga, I'm lunching with other moms, I'm going to various Mom's groups. The hardest thing I do is going to the grocery store with the baby. Come on, that's "mommying!" I'm a "mommy." This is a piece of cake. I know it won't always be this easy, so I am going to enjoy this. Later on, I'll be a competent, serious "Mom" who has big problems to worry about (like trying to balance work with family life- I'm not looking forward to that).

I worry that my new way of talking will put off my friends who don't have kids. I'll have to watch myself. Just yesterday, saying goodbye to a friend, I caught myself almost talking to her in my Baby Q voice. I was mixing up adult affection with baby affection. Whoops. That's OK. I'm still pretty new! Click here to read full entry.

Flaunting You, Loyal Plants

For this week's Flaunt it Fridays, MK let readers flaunt what they wish. I sat and thought for a moment, then my eyes fell on my curly plant. I'll flaunt my plants. The plants that have survived have been around for 5, 10, 15 years. They have weathered 5, 6 moves and multi-week dry spells as I travel to Mississippi, Portland OR, Ireland, France, and South America. I like to think that my erratic watering pattern has made them tough. Maybe that's why succulents, desert plants, are my favorite. I'd like to introduce my loyal friends. Back row, L-R: lush mother-in-law plants, spiky desert champ, effusive tendril plant, unkillable spider plants. Front row: pathetic sprout, curlicue recluse.

These spider plants are from at least 6 years ago. These might be from the babies I got from the Dunkin Donuts near my Grandma's house in Massachusetts. The hanging plants from DD were so lush, and had so many babies hanging from them, that I asked if I could have a few. I had to get permission from the manager. I may have sent one back with my sister to Texas, if I recall correctly. These are the plants I had in my classroom for years. When people would walk in, they'd say in puzzlement, "Wow! It's so bright in here!" Part of it was because my friend Heidi helped me staple cast-off wallpaper to my bulletin boards, but I feel strongly that another jolt of happiness came from the two spider plants atop a file cabinet by the windows. Working in a dirty, smelly room with linoleum floors and fluorescent lighting is hard, so you have to get energy from multiple sources: co-workers, favorite students, coffee, sun, plants, a nap on the rug during your planning period.

That reminds me of the peace lily I left in my classroom at Buford Middle, one of the less bleak schools, and truly a gem. I could write more about that later, but that student-teaching stint was one of my most wrenching, lovely, stressful, rewarding experiences ever, definitely topping the beautiful and stressful 2 weeks of nannying for a crazy family in France. When I went back to visit in February, the math teacher ran in and told me with great excitement that the peace lily had bloomed. I bet that plant is still there.

Moving on.

This spiky pot of love was given to me by an ex-boyfriend's mom, and she's since died from cancer. I think she may have also given me the tall tendrilly plant, but I'm not totally sure. I just know I love both of these plants, and it's strange yet nice to have this connection with someone who had a difficult life. I feel like I'm taking care of her by taking care of the plants.

Now for the real champ, the curlicue plant that my grandma gave me when I think I was in high school. After 7 or so years, my third year of college, out of nowhere bloomed a gorgeous red flower. I've never seen it since, so my curlicue plant must have been really happy that year. Coincidentally, that was one of the best years of my life, as I was singing, living in a house with amazing people, and rocking out with my English and French lit classes, earning a 4.0 while taking 21 credits with seemlessly no effort, because I loved everything I was doing. Come on, that's crazy.

Oh- and the two very healthy plants on the left, given to me by my mother-in-law because she had too many plants. I was advised to water them twice a month, on the first and 15th, which has worked so far. One thing that bodes well for them is that they have survived when I've forgotten to water them. I have to thank my MIL for giving some structure to my life, and my other plants are sure to benefit.

Then there's the little guy, one little sprout, clinging to life. I've considered throwing it away numerous times, but I just can't. Maybe a miracle will happen.

Click here to read full entry.

Dumb Daddies, Trendy "Bad" Parents, My Obsessiveness, I'll Shoot You Dead

I enjoyed this guest post on Lisa Belkin's New YorkTimes blog Motherlode, which is a must read for parents who want to keep up on the latest buzz and controversies in the (urban/suburban) parenting world. "Neanderdad" seems to portray a clueless daddy whose 3 year old can care for the new baby better than him. Or, as readers posted in the comments, is it more a commentary on moms who "overparent"- whatever the hell that means. I'm defensive about that because if there is such a thing as overparenting, I do it. "Can you monitor his poop while I make my oatmeal?" I've been known to ask my husband. But that just makes sense. Either he does a huge, loud, dramatic poop, or he doesn't, but I want to know so I can stop waiting for the poop explosion (because it happens every morning) and get on with my day. (Of course, my husband refuses, and sputters, "No, I will not monitor his poop! Get out of here!" Oh, we have some laughs in this household. And some tears.)

The latest buzz is about being a "bad parent" being trendy- like, saying your kids don't rule you, and not letting your baby take over your life. All I know is, this baby is my angel, and I'd shoot any of you people dead if it came down to a choice between you and my baby. You know, like if a crazy killer made me choose. That's the kind of things new moms lie in bed thinking about, by the way. I would not shoot your children, but I'd shoot you. Like, easily. Like, it's a good thing this is a gun-free household, because I'd do anything for this baby.

But I understand the idea of not being a slave to your kid- I just wouldn't want anyone to think I'm a "slave" if like, I always want to give him what he needs. My husband advocated "balance" on this issue, and I said, "Have you ever known me to be a balanced person in anything? Remember when I took that writing class in the summer, and afterwards, you asked me to never take a class again?" I totally ignored him for a month while I hunched over my laptop obsessively researching and editing- interrupted by a couple freakouts about not finishing pieces in time.

I was also completely obsessed with my nephew when he was first born, so to think I wouldn't obsess over my own kid, well, that's denying a facet of my personality. Obsessing over things is my thing. It gives me great joy to leap into a subject, sometimes to the exclusion of other things. When I started my blog, I worked on it full time. When I was into healthy eating a few years ago, I was really into that. And my baby is way cooler than a salad. I want to enjoy this time with my baby before I have to go back to work in January, so if I take it to an extreme occasionally... it's because I feel pretty strongly about him.

But, I do understand that I still need to spend time with my husband. But come on, you do have to admit, a baby's babyhood is pretty precious and quickly evolving, and an adult, well, if you miss a month of them, you don't miss that much. Like, my desire to visit my middle sister every few months- it's not exactly to see her. (No offense, A.) I can talk to her on the phone and get in great conversations and keep up with her life. I need to see her children, who grow and change so rapidly that I could sob just thinking about it. Missing so much of their childhood kills me. My sisters being far away, do I like it? No. Can I deal? Yes. My niece and nephews being far away, can I deal with it? Not really. Having my own kid now distracts me from the despair I feel at not seeing them enough, but if I think about it, that deep sadness is there. So, I try not to think about it.

What am I blabbing about? Oh yes, my obsessiveness. And, being a slave to your kid vs. being a "bad parent" who doesn't let their kid rule their life. My point is that if I seem obsessive about my baby, it's because I know how much I'm going to be missing when I go back to work in January. It might be making me a little crazy, but I don't think I've ever been a very balanced person. That's part of my charm.

You know, balance does sound pretty good. Appreciating your kid, and enjoying them, and meeting their needs while enjoying all the other parts of adult life. Maybe I'll get there when he's like, two. Right now I am really enjoying toting my precious little package around... every second of every day. Click here to read full entry.