Taylor's Cheer Captain, Kanye's on the Bleachers

She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers...

This line from a bubbly Taylor Swift song is stuck in my head, and it made me realize, My God, poor Kanye. No wonder he stormed the stage at the VMAs. I bet that song was, and is, stuck in his head, too. He is so obsessed with Taylor Swift because while part of him hates her cheery pop and another part is jealous of her success, ANOTHER part recognizes that she's brilliant. And he just can't take it, and part of him wants to be her. How do I know this? Because I remember reading clips of the crazy rant/apology he posted to his website very soon after the VMAs. He was clearly still drunk. Later, he put up a more sensible apology, but I think his first draft says it all:

I’m sooooo sorry to Taylor Swift and her fans and her mom. I spoke to her mother right after and she said the same thing my mother would’ve said. She is very talented! I like the lyrics about being a cheerleader and she’s in the bleachers! I’m in the wrong for going on stage and taking away from her moment!

Beyoncé’s video was the best of this decade!!!! I’m sorry to my fans if I let you guys down!!!! I’m sorry to my friends at MTV. I will apologize to Taylor 2mrw. Welcome to the real world!!!! Everybody wanna booooo me but I’m a fan of real pop culture!!! No disrespect but we watchin’ the show at the crib right now cause … well you know!!!! I’m still happy for Taylor!!!! Boooyaaawwww!!!! You are very very talented!!! I gave my awards to Outkast when they deserved it over me … That’s what it is!!!!!!! I’m not crazy y’all, i’m just real. Sorry for that!!! I really feel bad for Taylor and I’m sincerely sorry!!! Much respect!!!!!

I mean, there is so much repulsion in that sarcastic first paragraph, but I also read it as raging envy of her songwriting skills. He quoted the most insanely catchy line of her song! When a song gets stuck in a musician's head, that means something: it means that song is a success.

And really, how different are Kanye and Taylor? They probably have a lot in common. They're probably going to end up best friends eventually.