I Want to be a Natural Parent...

But I don't think I am! Shoot! I like to be able to join ALL clubs! I'm serious. I am a joiner.

I'm trying to decide if I qualify to join the Carnival of Natural Parenting, a monthly series of posts on a chosen theme. I really want to participate by writing my own post on the theme of Parenting Resolutions, but I fear I will be rejected because I don't cloth diaper or spend a lot of time in nature.

Well, let's see if I am a natural parent. Maybe I am. This is from Dionna at Code Name Mama's site- she and Lauren at Hobo Mama run the monthly carnival.

What is Natural Parenting?

“Natural parenting” is based on a desire to live and parent responsively and consciously. While no two families who practice natural parenting may define it the same way, there are several principles that are widely agreed to be part of this lifestyle. These are ideals that natural parents tend to hold — even if we don’t always live up to all of them, we keep them in mind as goals.

1) Attachment/Responsive Parenting: Attachment parents prepare for pregnancy, birth, and parenting; practice exclusive and full-term breastfeeding if possible, and feed with love and respect regardless of whether it is at the breast, with a bottle, or beyond; respond with sensitivity; use nurturing touch (including babywearing and skin-to-skin contact); ensure safe sleep, physically and emotionally (including bed sharing and co-sleeping, responsive nighttime parenting, and no “crying it out”); provide consistent and loving care; practice positive discipline (with no physical punishment); and strive for balance in personal and family life.

CHECK! I do all of this.

2) Ecological Responsibility and Love of Nature: Families strive to reduce their ecological footprint by living consciously and making Earth-friendly choices, such as by choosing organic when possible, using cloth diapers or practicing elimination communication, supporting local economies, and so forth. Parents may choose to find toys and clothing made of natural fibers and materials. Families spend quality time outside enjoying the natural world.

I do try to go organic and shop locally. Check. But I don't mess around with cloth diapers. The husband forbid it. If I had a husband who was into that, I'd totally do it. BECAUSE I AM A JOINER. And cloth diapers are cute.

However, I also drive a gas guzzler and do not recycle. Thus, I fail at #2, and should probably work on the recycling to set a better example for my baby. Also, my husband and I rarely spend time outdoors. We are always on our laptops- me blogging, him writing computer programs. We probably need more balance with this.

3) Holistic Health Practices: Parents research medical choices and make educated decisions regarding all health care (vaccinations, medical interventions, medications, etc.). Many families choose to use alternative or natural healthcare such as herbal remedies, chiropractic care, natural childbirth, and so on.

I do this. Baby is going to daycare at ten months, so needs all his vax, but I researched, and we staggered the vax. I don't see homeopaths or anything, but I don't scoff at them. My BFF is a holistic doctor in Portland OR, and I do whatever she tells me (use NoseFrida, try acupuncture) so I think you can see I am hooked up into holistic health.

4) Natural Learning: Families spend time together, and children learn through everyday activities. Parents try to facilitate learning without “teaching,” to help children ask questions that develop thinking, to develop consideration for others without shaming or training, to give choices while guiding the children, to listen to instinctual cues, to honor emotions and desires, to allow development to take place in its own time, and to engender cooperation and harmony without manipulation. This might include the decision to pursue uncommon methods of education, such as alternative classrooms, home schooling, or unschooling.

I certainly do all the stuff in the first part of that paragraph. And I'd love to homeschool my little pookie poo, but there's the small problem that I am a public school teacher. We can't really afford to live in this area if I quit my job to homeschool my kids. This makes me think that to be a hard core "Natural Parent," I have to move somewhere cheaper. I married a guy from Long Island who is afraid of trees and open space, and we want to stay near his parents, so I'm pretty much in the NY-CT-NJ area for a while.

I do think I'm into Natural Learning though. I try to run my classroom in a very open-minded way, letting them choose their books, encouraging kindness, and not expecting all kids to learn the same way. I think that's kinda natural. I try to run my class like a little family- calm, busy, respectful, work hard on fun things that we enjoy- that's reading and writing, two things I love, and I model that for my students by showing them that I read and write in my daily life.

Incidentally, my sister is homeschooling this year, which I think is so cool.

Above all, natural parenting is making the choice to develop a deep bond with your children and family based on mutual respect. An attached child grows into a mature and interdependent individual who understands how to develop healthy, secure relationships with others.

Well I do that. So am I a natural parent? I think so. Who are these unnatural parents though- the ones that sleep train, spank, shame, and pack the kids off with a nanny? I'm not that, for sure. I'm not sure I completely fit the natural parent mold, but it's certainly one I admire and count among the best styles.

I think I am gonna try and join this carnival! I really want to post about my parenting resolutions, and I'll use my failures with #2 to start off.

Oh, is the husband gonna have some opinions about this.

I'm still not sure I'm a natural parent. I don't ACTIVELY strive for these values- the ones I do are the ones that match my personality, and the ones I don't do are things I don't feel passionate about, like nature or recycling. Hm.

OK, I know I need to recycle, but I have to like, call and order my town's special recycling bin, which involves looking up a number, and last I heard there was a wait list. OK. Fine. I'll get the bin. It's actually not a bin. It is a HUGE, rolling trash can almost as tall as me. And truly, we don't even have room for the bin in our driveway, so I have no idea where I'd put it. Sigh. Honestly, 4 adults could fit in that recycling can. It won't fit in our garage, and the (enormous, rolling, town-issued) trash can takes up the only space in our driveway, and even then, I always almost hit it pulling out of the garage. Can you sort of see why I don't recycle? Click here to read full entry.

I Approve of "Indiscreet" Breastfeeding

I really, really loved this article: "From Bashful to Brazen: The Indiscreet Breastfeeder's Manifesto." After a stressful experience where she was chastised by an older woman for feeding her screaming infant in the grocery store, the author becomes- well, a lactivist, I'd say. Someone who promotes breastfeeding by doing it in public. (And thereby normalizing it.)

I felt very proud of this woman for standing up for herself and her baby. A nursing mother should not have to hide away. It's so silly that some people are freaked out about breastfeeding. If an adult can't glance at another adult who's FEEDING A BABY AND PROPAGATING THE HUMAN RACE- well, that person can take a leap off a cliff as far as I'm concerned.

Here's author Sundae Horn's manifesto:
Indiscreet Breastfeeding Manifesto

I will nurse my child anytime, anywhere, no matter who is present or what I am wearing.
I will bare my breast with pride and confidence.
I will not apologize for nourishing and nurturing my child.
I will not smother my child with a napkin or blanket.
I will smile at everyone around me and ignore rude stares.
I will know that I am giving my child the perfect infant food from the most efficient, ecological, and economical delivery system.
I will know that I am giving my child the healthy start that is his or her birthright.
I will set an example for women and girls, educate the public, dispel breastfeeding myths, desexualize the breast, and make the world a better place, all through the simple act of feeding my child.

I love it. I pretty much do this too.

I would not say I "bare my breast" on purpose- I do try to latch the kid on quickly. But I'm not going to act like I'm SMUGGLING HEROIN INTO THAILAND when I'm just nursing, so I'm not going to try desperately to hide myself. My husband is not as bonkers as me about public breastfeeding, but he and I have very different aesthetics in general, so I try not to get upset that he's not as lactivist as I am. He doesn't love it when I breastfeed in restaurants, and he's entitled to his opinion. But when I'm out without him, I'm sure to breastfeed at will. Sorry, honey.

But yeah, I pretty quickly became a lactivist once I started breastfeeding- not that I'm going to tell other moms how to feed their babies- but in the same way, I don't want anyone telling me where and how to feed my kid.

It's handy that most of the moms I'm friends with, I met in my hospital's new moms group, which is run by a lactation consultant. All of us breastfed for at least the first few months. We went out for lunch after moms' group and broke out the nursing covers, learning how to breastfeed in public together. It was so cool. Most of them went back to work when their babies were three months old and most did not choose the rigors of pumping- I totally understand that. Pumping is exhausting and annoying. It's a true luxury to get to stay home with your kid and breastfeed at your leisure. Anyone who criticizes a working mom for not pumping deserves a brick to the head. (Oh shoot did I just say that? I watch too much true crime TV. What I mean is, it's hard to make breastfeeding work when you go back to work, especially if that job is not flexible.) Just as I am protective of nursing moms, I'm also protective of moms who decide to use formula.

Here's a segment from Sundae's article:

Since that day, I have nursed openly in some pretty amusing situations, including during an eye exam and while taking the written test for my driver's license. Neither the optometrist nor the DMV examiner asked me to stop. In fact, both were encouraging, if a little embarrassed, saying that it was a first for them, but that I should just go ahead and do what was best for my baby.
I have nursed while getting my hair cut and my oil changed. I have nursed in libraries, museums, and malls, at weddings and parties, in stores and waiting rooms, in line at the grocery store, and while waiting on customers in the bookstore where I work. Not to mention in restaurants, airports, parks, zoos, and the Morehead City Seafood Festival beer garden (I had juice, of course). Once I made myself at home on the patio furniture display at K-Mart. Another time I sat on the edge of the dairy case at the grocery store; a passing manager assured me I could sit there as long as I needed.

I think that's pretty friggin' cool.

Where have I nursed? On airplanes, in line at the airline ticket counter when baby was freaking and I was NOT about to let someone else get the seat I wanted, and at the emergency room while they were putting an IV in the baby when he was dehydrated from vomiting. He was screaming bloody murder, and one of the nurses shoved a pacifier at him. "He won't take that," I snapped, super frazzled, then I got the idea to give him the boob (the original pacifier). I leaned over the bed and tried to nurse him while 4 nurses stepped over and around me trying different things to get a vein. It was quite a scene, but the breast stopped the baby's screaming for a few seconds at least. Poor thing. Later on, one of the nurses goes, "That was really cool what you did." I got a lot of positive support from the nurses that day, including one who held the baby so I could pump, since he wasn't wanting to eat. That was in California, where I think they're pretty into breastfeeding. Here's a pic of him and me at the ER the SECOND time.

I dunno. I just don't think breastfeeding is something that should make other people upset or angry to see. I don't think kids are freaked out by it. Adolescent boys, maybe, but we certainly can't run the world based on the likes and dislikes of teen boys.

What kind of people are freaked out about breastfeeding? Just people I wouldn't like anyway, right?

I know I talk about breastfeeding, but I do it a million times a day, so it's on my mind. Click here to read full entry.

Pretty But Unsafe Nursery: Silly Designers!

My husband and I had a good chuckle at this totally unsafe nursery that is one of Ohdeedoh's top nursery tours of the year.

The caption states cheerfully, "We spotted this fresh room by an Urban Outfitters designer for his first daughter and had to show it to you. It's full of fun stuff including a funky mural, zebra rug, and a bird mobile made by designer friends at Anthropologie. Charley Mae is one lucky girl!"

Reader comments include, "looks great. crib looks like a death trap," and "i like the idea of this room, but it screams safety hazard! not only are the crib rails too far apart, but the crib is positioned directly under a window! this is not a safe place for a crib. also the table and shelving under the other window looks like a ladder to disaster!"

Ladder to disaster! Ha! I must admit I found that funny. I hadn't noticed the shelving that leads right up to the window sill until that comment. And honestly I didn't notice the railing spacing either... I was just loving the yellow. Yellow. That's gonna be my nursery color theme for my next baby, who is sure to be a girl, just because. Although truly I love boys, so I'll be OK with whatever. I'd just like another baby at some point in the next couple years. I'm not getting any younger, and in fact, I'll be 35 in less than two months!!!

Anyway, I found it funny that the designer of this nursery seems to have taken pains to make it as unsafe as possible. How can you get that far in designing a nursery and give so little thought to safety? I hope the baby is not yet born, and that the parents are only going to be that clueless for only a short time. Click here to read full entry.

Am I a Helicopter Parent? (Or, In Praise of Hand Sanitizer)

One of my favorite bloggers, Annie at Phd in Parenting (excellent content, informational and opinionated), has a definition of a type of parent in a post about her recent vacation:

Helicopter parents: These parents hover over their children and their every experience on vacation. They are always armed with hand sanitizer, life jackets and sun block, even while holding their child’s hand in the just-been-cleaned ankle-deep shaded part of the baby pool. Some keep their kids securely on a harness, in a stroller, or in a high chair at all times. They take the burgers from the buffet and bring them to the grill for extra grilling. They bring bottled water, juice boxes and bed sheets from home because the ones at the resort are not good enough.

I am FAR too lazy to bring my own sheets and food, but everything else sounds about right. Hand sanitizer, safety equipment, being careful that Q doesn't get hurt, keeping him in a high chair or stroller if I don't trust that the environment is clean or baby-proof... but is that bad? I think I am just safety conscious. I believe it's my duty to keep him safe. Why SHOULD I trust anyone or anything else to keep him safe? I don't. And sunburns are BAD.

I think it's important, of course, to not go too far. I think helicoptering is bad if it prevents the parent or kid from enjoying life. A kid needs to be able to explore, which might include some bumps and face plants. Right now, for example, I'm ignoring the Q as I blog while he explores our (mostly) babyproofed room. And my goal, after he's asleep, is to go to the gym. Yes, I do trust his Dad to care for him, and I do think he needs to learn to be away from me. Maybe I'm not a total helicopterer?

Only the end part of Annie's definition- the bringing of sheets and food- sounds excessive to me- and maybe the constant hand sanitizing- UNLESS you're talking about the pen at the prescription counter at CVS. You think I'm going to touch THE ONE PEN THAT EVERY SICK PERSON IN TOWN HAS TOUCHED? SERIOUSLY? A few days ago, I told the cashier, "Can you forge my signature, because I am NOT touching that pen." And then the guy in line behind me touched the "accept" button for me when he saw me trying to find something to press the keypad with so I didn't have to use my hands. Sorry. I'm a TEACHER. I KNOW that surfaces get disgustingly dirty, and I'm not going to be the one to catch the cold or flu. (I didn't have hand sanitizer with me, so I didn't want to touch anything, because those are the same hands that have to put the baby in his carseat, which inevitably involves touching his hands, which always go in his mouth. That's not crazy, OK, that's just SMART.)

Now, here's another definition of helicopter parenting, from Wikipedia:

Helicopter parents are so named because, like helicopters, they hover closely overhead, rarely out of reach, whether their children need them or not. In Scandinavia, this phenomenon is known as curling parenthood and describes parents who attempt to sweep all obstacles out of the paths of their children. It is also called "overparenting". Parents try to resolve their child's problems, and try to stop them coming to harm by keeping them out of dangerous situations

So, if helicoptering means you never let your kid experience failure, I don't want to do that. They need to stumble a little before they can walk... you get the metaphor. They'll need to bicker with friends, cry a little when you leave them to go to work, not always get what they want. I think as a parent it's hard to see what looks like your kid suffering, but they have to do that to learn sometimes. The only thing I'm completely against, at least for this baby of mine, is letting him cry at bedtime. I don't think that will teach him to sleep. It's hard though. He wakes up so much at night. I am reading books about it and trying to figure out what to do...

But in the meantime, I'll be sanitizing my hands at the CVS, and I will NOT be using the same pen to sign in at the pediatrician's office that EVERY OTHER PARENT OF A SICK KID HAS USED. No, I carry my own pen, or I just don't sign in. Click here to read full entry.

Pregnancy Exercise Videos

I bought a bunch of exercise DVDs, but I think my favorite exercise video was Gabby Reece's Complete Fit and Healthy Prenatal Workout. The video has workouts for each month, and she was right around that month pregnant when she made each segment, so you see her getting bigger and bigger just as you are getting bigger. That's probably one of the coolest things about this video.

But the exercises are pretty excellent too. They're interesting, challenging but not impossible, and each segment is 15 minutes plus a warm up. Pretty darn doable. I actually wish each segment were longer, and I think that's testament to how enjoyable the video is. To make it more effective, though, I'd often pause the video and do more reps, or add in extra exercises. However, on those days when I wasn't too ambitious, I'd just let it run through and still feel like I'd done my job!


It kind of sucks that for my next pregnancy, I bet I'll have way less time to workout. I can barely make myself do my physical therapy hip/pelvis exercises while I play with the baby on the floor. Oh well. But you know, I bet I'll do my Gabby Reece video!

Eventually I'll try to post on my other less fabulous DVDs, but I'll quickly tell you, I also did the Shiva Rea Prenatal Yoga DVD (enh), the video by the wife of Desperate Housewives' James Denton (she works you HARD, holy crap!), and the DVDs by some ex-Cirque de Soleil gymnasts (exercises felt very odd on my body, and they gave CRAPPY directions).

Really, the Gabby Reece one is awesome, because her trainer trains her, so he's giving her directions and she does the moves, rather than HER telling you how to do it. She does offer her own tips as she's doing the exercises. Yup, I think it was the best one. It does require light hand weights and an exercise ball, and I just modified for ones that required exercise bands that I didn't have.

Buy it on Amazon here. Click here to read full entry.

Quick Opinions on Parenting

(Because I'll NEVER get the time to write whole posts on the following topics.)

-- I like having pediatricians who don't tell me how and when to feed my baby and where he should sleep. If I want to nurse him at night I will. BUTT OUT.

Some old-fashioned peds are really weird about breastfeeding. They ask me how often I feed him a day, and I've realized that they think "Oh, I don't know, whenever," sounds weird. (Why must I count? Who cares? If he acts hungry, I feed him.) So, now I just say a number that sounds small but often. Today I said, "Five." Last month I said, "Like, six or seven." Because that's what one of them suggested the month before that when I said I didn't really know.
Click here to read full entry.

Holiday Pressure: I'm Broke, So It's Off!

I was heading to physical therapy today and noted the crush of stressed out drivers at one of our local shopping hell holes.
That's right- Christmas is Friday, I thought, quite detached from the scene.
Part of that detachment is that I'm home with a baby all day. I'm not around energetic, accomplished adults who are raring to buy gifts and go all out for the holiday season. I'm sure I'd be way more swept up in the excitement if I were around people all day who felt that way, but my nine month old baby is CLUELESS!
Another reason I am putting very little pressure on myself to buy perfect gifts this year is that because of my ten month maternity leave, we do NOT have extra money. I'm pretty much buying one simple present for each person in my life, and that's it.

Sure, one reason I'm not stressed is that I'm not yet trying to balance working with caring for my baby and paying attention to the husband, but I do think I have consciously "opted out" of Christmas this year. Not really by choice, but it's just not an option for me to head out to Lord and Taylor to buy more gifts. I have acknowledged it and accepted it, and I don't feel bad about it.

I will head tomorrow to buy something little for the babe's daycare teachers and my physical therapist though.

Another way I'm letting myself off the hook this year is not feeling like I have to search for the "perfect" gift, because those are usually pricy. I am OK this year with "good enough" gifts that I can afford. (Part of me does wish I'd worked harder to find perfect gifts, but I'd rather focus on getting my family and me ready for the transition coming up in four weeks when I go back to work. Pumping breastmilk, cleaning house, taking care of details, etc.)

I worry that I sound like a self-centered person in this post, but I fear what will happen if I overextend myself right before I jump into the stress of going back to work.

I do admit, it feels kind of good to see other people freaking out, but not be freaking out myself. It's not that I feel superior to those people or anything. It just highlights how thankful I am not to be in a frenzy this week like some of the shoppers I'm seeing. Click here to read full entry.

Toys That Make Your Baby Stupider

My husband would disagree with me and tell me to lighten up, but I truly believe some toys make your baby smarter, and some make them stupider. (And you should know, I am certified to teach K-8, so you should trust me at least a little. Just ignore my husband.)

Here's one I think makes a kid smarter: Plan Toys Punch and Drop. My 8 month old learned how to put the ball in the hole, then bop it through with his hand. It was hard at first, but then he developed the coordination to hold the ball long enough to get it to the hole, then place it on the hole without it falling off the box, and finally to easily bop the ball through in one slap. (It comes with a hammer to punch them through, but we're saving that for later and just using our hands right now.)

Contrast this with many toys we are given that just make a bunch of electronic noises and spit out words he doesn't know when he presses a meaningless button. I'm not going to name any toys because I sound bitchy enough without offending any specific people who gave us gifts.

These pointless toys might keep the baby busy for a few minutes, but they are not teaching him any skills, besides maybe holding another plastic toy in his hand. He doesn't return to those toys like he returns to the toys he can do something understandable with.

Also, I'm a really anti-clutter kind of person, so it's important to me that the stuff we DO have is valuable in some way. Either it's pretty, or funny, or useful, or educational. I'm constantly culling items and evaluating whether or not we need or want them. I don't feel bad about trashing toys that no longer seem useful to me, even ones that I've bought. Of course, I keep stuff for him if I think he'll like it when he's older, and I keep stuff for the next baby.

I'm the same way with my classroom. I don't keep anything extra in there. With 25 kids and me, there is enough going on without extra stuff. I'm constantly trashing my papers, books, and supplies that I no longer need. If I come across something I probably won't ever use again, or can find online, TRASH. BYE BYE. The room has to have flow to work. Every minute at work is precious. I need a clear, uncluttered space to get work quickly so I can get home to my baby. It's incredible how much you can accumulate in ten years of teaching. If you don't unclutter, you end up with binders of lessons you will never use again- and often, multiple copies of those lessons.

I'm starting to feel the same way about my house. We have SO- MUCH- CRAP. I can't really throw away my husband's computer wires, or my favorite books, or boxes of pasta. We might need those. Crappy baby toys are an easy area for me to pare down, so I do. I can see those with a utilitarian purpose. If he doesn't play with the toy now, and I don't see it as having future value, I get rid of it. I refuse to feel bad about that. In this modern world, you have to protect yourself against the influx of stuff, whether it be bad toys or junk mail (or your own tendancy to buy books- me).

I'm just saying. There are enough crappy electronic toys at my baby's daycare. At home, we need to have good toys so he doesn't get stupid. (Plus, why would I want to listen to these talking toys?)

Note: If you like stupid electronic toys, I'm not saying your baby is stupid. I'm saying he's missing learning opportunities, and maybe will be .005% less smart than he should be. Also, maybe toddlers benefit more from these toys. I'm just talking babies here.

Other note: Not all talking toys are bad. My parents are getting the baby that talking Leapfrog Table for Christmas. I'm OK with that because it helps him to stand and there are activities on the top of the table that I think he'll understand how to do.

Also, a toy doesn't have to be quiet to be a good toy. We liked our Kaleidodisk (on right) from our dear friends Wendy and Christoper, and we like the silly singing Snoopy my parents got us.

As with all parenting decisions, each baby is different, each parent is different, and each home is different. This is how I feel about the baby toys for our home! I understand that with older kids, more than one kid, etc, there are different factors in what makes a toy valuable. Click here to read full entry.

Babywearing in Winter

Here's us at Cove Island Beach in Stamford CT in November. It wasn't even that cold, but on Long Island Sound, it was windy and chilly.

I'm a big babywearer. It started when Q was little. I did not want to grocery shop with him in the stroller because I was a germ freak and people were always ALL UP IN HIS BEESWAX. I did not want anyone to breathe on him or God forbid TOUCH him. Enter, babywearing!
We used a sling, then the Moby Wrap, and now we're onto the ERGO Baby, which is covered in food and snot but sees too heavy daily use to actually get washed.

So far, we've made it through mid-December with me just wrapping my coat around him and sticking a hat on him, but there are a couple problems.

1. The only coat that fits around us is my men's ski jacket from 1991. (No offense, jacket, because you've served me well, but I want to babywear more stylishly now.)
2. Even when I stick a hat on the babe, the space between his face and my chest is exposed- essentially, both of our necks are exposed.

I have been researching and have found two options.
1. This Baby Burrow poncho, right, which seems really cozy.


2. This Peekaru vest, which when I saw on a lady in the street a couple weeks ago, was very unflattering. (Maybe it will look better on me.)



I was leaning toward the poncho because it looks like a big cozy blankie. However, a cool online Canadian babywearing boutique (called Parenting by Nature) that I follow on Twitter only carries the Peekaru vest and hasn't heard of the poncho. If the expert uses the vest, maybe I should too. Now that I think about it, the poncho, in wind, would blow and expose the baby's leg and my back. The vest, although it makes you look like an apple, completely encloses your bottom half AND both your and the baby's neck. Parenting by Nature said the vest transitions nicely from fall to winter to spring.

I realize I seem obsessed with babywearing products: first the Kokopax, now a carrier cover. I don't mean to seem materialistic. Truly, the product I have now- the fabulous ERGO- does not meet all of my babywearing needs. I need the kid to be warm (Peekaru) and I need a back carry that does make me feel like leaning forward on my messed up hips.

My dear parents have offered to get me the vest or poncho for Xmas (and the Kokopax). The husband says we should instead ask them to get us a baby gate for the fireplace, but I'd rather just park my butt in front of the fireplace and monitor the kid. This babywearing is a quality of life and comfort issue for me. It's not my problem that the husband would prefer to monitor the baby from the comfort of the couch with laptop, rather than on the floor where he climbs all over you. When money is scarce, you gotta pick your perks.

Babywearing is so handy to me in so many ways- snuggle if he's fussy but I need to get laundry done, wear him upright when he's congested or has fluid in his ears, wear him while making dinner if he's tired and doesn't want to be put down, wear him close to me in a crowded place, snuggle him in the cold...

(Here's me wearing him at the super-crowded Pike Place Market in Seattle in August! He fell sound asleep.)

Ideally, I'd love both the poncho and vest to have options, but with me not getting a paycheck until Feb 1, we do not have that extra cash. If I have to go with one, I think the vest makes the most sense. Click here to read full entry.

New Obsession: Kokopax Back Carrier

My other personal blog, Fancy Pancakes, has regularly featured an "Obsessions" category. It has included:

BOB jogging stroller, Bugaboo Cameleon, a babywearing poncho, the color orange, the Obamas, and Guitar Hero.

This is the very first obsession for my new mom blog:

THE KOKOPAX BACK CARRIER.

I forgot where I first read about it. Probably some random website, one of those zillion "Mom Blogs" that is not a Mom Blog so much as a series of ads for products, which I think is a waste of time.

Anyway, here's why I need this carrier.

1. I stil have pelvis issues, and I wear my ERGO all the time, but the front carry pulls my pelvis forward, and the back carry puts the baby too low. The Kokopax puts the baby up higher on my back, which my physical therapist says would be good.
2. I babywear all the time. I need another carrier so my body is not always being pulled in one direction.
3. I think the baby would like it.
4. I think I'd be able to blog while wearing him.
5. No one else around here has it, and I'd be the envy of all the other moms.

My dear parents have offered to buy me the Kokopax for Xmas. (YOU ROCK, MOM AND DAD!!!) Now I'm just trying to figure out if I should wait for the 2010 model, which comes with a waistbelt. It's not up on the Kokopax website yet, so I have 2 emails in to them demanding info. I also need to know if the 2010 model has better shoulder straps, because online it says, "This carrier features the most advanced technology in shoulder strap construction and a stowable, padded waist belt for added comfort." I don't want CRAPPY shoulder strap technology if that's what the 2009 model has. Kokopax better get back to me soon, because this IS my current obsession, and you do not want to be the person who gets in the way of my current obsession. Click here to read full entry.

Bad Dream: My Baby Belonged to Ashlee Simpson!

I had a horrible dream. I dreamt that my baby wasn't actually MINE; he was Ashlee Simpson's. For some reason, I'd been taking care of him as if he were mine, forgetting that he wasn't. When it came time for him to spend the night at her place (he'd been overnighting with me, I think because she was on tour), I was really upset.

I was crying to my husband that I didn't think I could be with Q anymore because it made it too painful to be away from him- but even as I was saying that, I knew it would be horrible not to see him again. I was stuck in an awful place: continue raising a baby that would never be really mine, or not see a baby I'd grown desperately attached to.

I was thinking near the end of the dream that I should really try to have my OWN baby.

I think the dream came from the fact that
a) I am superstressed about being away from Q starting in Jan while I work full time and he's in daycare
b) some of the moms we were with last night did IVF, and they are thinking about trying for the second babies soon (their firsts are only 6 months). I was thinking, damn, I'm not getting any younger, maybe I should be thinking that way too!

I love my dreams. I'm happy I slept deeply enough to have some that I can remember. It's been awhile since I've been able to remember my dreams. Click here to read full entry.

How Old Am I?

Someone asked me that tonight, and I was pretty sure I was 33, but then I said, maybe I was 34.
"What year were you born?" Kat said.
"'75."
"Then you're 34. I am too."
Me: "Really?!? 34? I would've said I was 33."

I'm still not convinced I'm 34. That sounds pretty old to me. I can't possibly be 35 next Feb. I might be 33.

It's really weird to come to a point where you don't know how old you are when people ask you. I mean, my mind is just on other stuff, like, my slow cooker, the ten pounds I wanna lose, my baby, my husband, my family, my books, all the baby toys I want to buy, and my friends.

The other day when I was picking up Lebanese food, someone overheard and said, "Oh, you must me a young mom!" (I was showing pics of my baby to the lady who works there.)
Me: "Really? I'm not that young. I think I'm like, 33, or 34!"
Stranger: "REALLY?!? You look like you're in your 20s."
Me: "Um."
Stranger: "It must be that new mom glow."
Me: "I guess so! 'Cause I'm kinda old."

Stuff like that happens to me all the time- strangers saying totally weird stuff to me. I live for it. I love it.

It's one of my hobbies, going out to see what weird stuff I can make happen. The post office is a pretty reliable place to go for that. Click here to read full entry.

Ramblings After Wine and Apple Cider Martini

It is so good to hang out with other parents. Rather, it's good to hang out, and when you have a kid to tote along, it's nice when the other people have kids too. No, that's not what I mean.

I mean, it was so good tonight to see the moms and babies, and the husband/dads, who I know from our local hospital's moms group. We connected through our weekly meetings, and thanks to one of the more proactive women, have a group that meets every Saturday.

I can't say enough good things about these women. They are smart, funny, ambitious, generous. Warm, kind, energetic. Relaxed. Happy.

And to get to watch our babies grow up together is so much fun. I was enjoying myself too much tonight to take any photos. My baby was crawling around, the other babies were crawling on me, and I was busy making goo-goo eyes at other babies.

It's also really really fun to see the dads. In a way, this is men at their best. Their wives are happy, they have gorgeous children, and we're drinking together on a Saturday night. Seeeeeeriously. I'm a lucky person.


It's also helpful to me that all of these moms are back to work like I will be in a month. When I feel bad for myself, I can think, well, all of these girls are doing it, and rocking it. So can I.

OK, off to hang with the husband and baby!

If this were my journal, I'd write: we had some great conversations tonight despite the distraction of our crawling babies. Discussions of IVF, work.... that doesn't sound great, but I can tell ya, it felt good to talk. And I feel like we are all very open with each other, and maybe that's what feels good. In this life of being busy with work, and busy with taking care of home life, it's good to get out with other men and women and relax. Click here to read full entry.

Chime In: Great Moments in Pumping

A friend posted on facebook, "Pumping on bathroom floor of a mental hospital." She's training in the medical field, so...
I was wondering what other crazy places you've pumped, or other pumping achievements?

So far, all I can offer is, I pumped during a crazy time in which my baby was vomiting a ton over a few days. I was on vacation in CA, so I had to locate a breastpump. I called around frantically to local hospitals, who gave me the home number of their lactation consultant, then I borrowed my sister's minivan to drive to the LC's house to get a quick lesson in pumping. And then I was off! I was so thankful for that Medela Lactina pump and that there was someone who could rent me one less than ten minutes from my sister's house. Click here to read full entry.

Escapism: Beautiful Baby Rooms

One of my favorite baby design blogs is Ohdeedoh by Apartment Therapy. They feature beautifully designed baby rooms that can give you some great ideas for your own nursery. I designed my nursery around some orange striped sheets from Giggle and a cool poster with orange and purple in it, but if I have a girl baby, I'm going to base it on the sheets I saw in this room:



That yellow is awesome! I see online that people are saying the bedding is rough, so maybe I won't get that bedding, but I WILL have that yellow, because it goes with the light blue paint we already have in the baby's room... not that I'm still hoping we'll be in this rental when we have our next baby, but...

Anyway, hit the Ohdeedoh site when you need inspiration! They feature lots of furniture, products, and crafts to make the crap that comes with having a baby not quite so ugly. Click here to read full entry.

Intervention and Crazy Moms

There is a moment in this week's Intervention where the crazy drug addict (and this one was way crazier than most) turns to her mother during the intervention to try to get ONE person to agree with her that yes, the electricity in people's bodies, and azalea bushes, and cameras, does cause her joints to dislocate.
The family had spoken ahead of time to an expert joint doctor who had said, "No, that's all a lie, she is manipulating you to try to get you to keep supporting her."
The interventionist, Ken Seeley, had also told the mother, "You know she's going to try to get you to stick with her, but you have to be strong."
Sure enough, the girl turns to plead to her mother, saying, "Mom, Mom, you KNOW that the pain I am in is real! You know what the electricity does!"
The entire family looks at the mother, expecting her to say, "Even if you are in pain, the drug abuse has to stop." Instead, the mother hesitates and says, "I do think she's in real pain."
"Mom! NO!!!" the six other family members scream at her in unison. "We talked about this yesterday!!!"

The look on the mother's face at that moment really resonated with me. The look was- it's hard to describe- she looked dumbfounded, or dumb, or just- like a stone. Like the idea of the others just wasn't reaching her, even though the day before, the world's expert on joint dislocation disorder had spoken to the family and was at that moment right there also shouting at her, "That's not true." Even if a part of her brain knew the family was right, she absolutely could not go against her instinct to help her daughter. (Of course, the problem is, that help was allowing her to live rent-free and take painkillers all day.)

I can relate because I've been there on a tiny scale. I can't even give a real example. I have vague memories of my reactions, though, to some of my husband's parenting suggestions that I've disagreed with. I disagreed, and when he continued to try to discuss, I turned to stone. I just couldn't even picture myself doing something that felt instinctually wrong. I sort of have an example: recently my husband suggested giving some formula rather than breastmilk. We're trying to get Q to take a bottle for daycare, but I'm not really getting time to pump milk to give to him. So, intellectually, it might make sense to some people to use formula in the practice bottles. Well, I am a big breastmilk proponent, and I'm just not going to consider formula. If I have access to breastmilk, I'm not gonna give formula. I'm just not. I can't do it. I can't quite say why. But I bet that the look on my face, when my husband tried to discuss that with me, was just like that lady on intervention: complete incomprehension about the suggestion.

I just understood that look, whereas a year ago, I would have said, "God that lady is crazy!" about the mother. Now, I know it's not crazy, it's just, your brain goes to a different place when it's about your kid.

I know dads feel strongly about their kids too, but I don't think their brains do quite what the mothers' brains do.

FOLLOW UP:
I watched the episode with my husband again last night, and it was different than my memory of it.
The girl said, "Mom, MOM. You KNOW if I go away, and sleep on a bad bed, it will undo ALL of my progress. And you will REGRET it. You KNOW it, Mom."
The mom paused and said, "Maybe we could get a different bed."
That's when they all screamed at her.

You can watch the episode online. It was pretty awesome. It had my FAVORITE interventionist, Ken Seeley ("I want to write a love letter to Ken Seeley," I just said to my husband. "Oh my god what if I could meet Ken Seeley?!?") AND a runner- meaning the subject takes off and they all chase her. THE BEST!!! You cannot escape Ken Seeley! Click here to read full entry.